7-7-13 Sermon

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IDENTITY THEFT

Creating A Positive ID – Part 4

07-07-13 Sermon

“What actually took place is this: I tried keeping rules and working my head off to please God, and it didn't work.  So I quit being a "law man" so that I could be God's man.  Christ's life showed me how, and enabled me to do it.  I identified myself completely with him.  Indeed, I have been crucified with Christ.  My ego is no longer central.  It is no longer important that I appear righteous before you or have your good opinion, and I am no longer driven to impress God.  Christ lives in me.  The life you see me living is not "mine," but it is lived by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.  I am not going to go back on that.” Galatians 2:19-20 (MSG)

RESOLVING A CRISIS OF CONFIDENCE…

THE                                          

       “What actually took place is this: I tried keeping rules and working my head off to please God…”  Galatians 2:19 (MSG)

       “I was circumcised when I was eight days old.  I am a pure-blooded citizen of Israel and a member of the tribe of Benjamin—a real Hebrew if there ever was one!  I was a member of the Pharisees, who demand the strictest obedience to the Jewish law.”  Philippians 3:5 (NLT)

THE ______________________

          “I was so zealous that I harshly persecuted the church.”          Philippians 3:6 (NLT)

       “They dragged him out of the city and began to stone him.  His accusers took off their coats and laid them at the feet of a young man named Saul.  As they stoned him, Stephen prayed, “Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.”  He fell to his knees, shouting, “Lord, don’t charge them with this sin!”  And with that, he died.  Saul was one of the witnesses, and he agreed completely with the killing of Stephen.”  Acts 7:58 – 8:1 (NLT)

THE                                                        

       “As he was approaching Damascus on this mission, a light from heaven suddenly shone down around him.  He fell to the ground and heard a voice saying to him, “Saul!  Saul!  Why are you persecuting me?” “Who are you, lord?” Saul asked.  And the voice replied, “I am Jesus, the one you are persecuting!  Now get up and go into the city, and you will be told what you must do.”  The men with Saul stood speechless, for they heard the sound of someone’s voice but saw no one!  Saul picked himself up off the ground, but when he opened his eyes he was blind.  So his companions led him by the hand to Damascus.  He remained there blind for three days and did not eat or drink.”  Acts 9:3-9 (NLT)

THE                                                         

        “So I quit being a "law man" so that I could be God's man.  Christ's life showed me how, and enabled me to do it.  I identified myself completely with him.  Indeed, I have been crucified with Christ.  My ego is no longer central.  It is no longer important that I appear righteous before you or have your good opinion, and I am no longer driven to impress God.  Christ lives in me.”       Galatians 2:19 (MSG)

THE                                                              

       “My ego is no longer central.  It is no longer important that I appear righteous before you or have your good opinion, and I am no longer driven to impress God.  Christ lives in me.  The life you see me living is not "mine," but it is lived by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.  I am not going to go back on that.”   Galatians 2:20 (MSG)

       “So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves.  Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children.  Now we call him, ‘Abba, Father.’ For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God’s children.”

       Romans 8:15-16 (NLT)

THE feeling                             

       “But whenever someone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away.  For the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.”  2 Cor.  3:16-17 (NLT)

       “So we say with confidence, ‘The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid.  What can man do to me?’”  Hebrews 13:6 (NIV)

WHERE DOES YOUR CONFIDENCE COME FROM?

External Confidence OR Internal Confidence

IDENTITY THEFT

Creating A Positive ID – Part 4

07-07-13 Sermon

We’re in part four of our series called Creating a Positive Identity.  We’re going to start with a question: How do you know when someone’s having a crisis of confidence in who they are? 

You can’t see the issues behind their crisis of confidence.  You can’t see how they’re thinking or what their beliefs are.  But most of us can see behaviors externally that reflect a crisis internally. 

        

However, there are a couple questions I want to answer right out of the box that goes to identity theft.  Why do we adopt false identities? 

People post pictures of themselves on Facebook implying that they are doing something totally out of character for them.  Or they post pictures making them look quite different from the way that most people know them.  Why do people try to put false identities out there?

As parents we know this.  Right?  We tell our kids Don’t imitate the friends throwing their lives off the cliff.  Don’t imitate those kids.  But as adults we do it too.  There’s a number of personas that we can adopt in our culture, whether we’re a man or a woman, that we believe might restore that confidence that seems to be lacking on the inside.

That’s the first reason we adopt false identities because there’s a fear down there that’s brewing.

The second reason why I see people adopting a false identity, is because with every identity there are activities.  It’s like, I have this identity.  There’s all these activities connected with it.  I’m going to pursue that identity and those activities.  It’s a nice numbing of the very real pain in my life. We can numb our lives with our work identity activities or (enter when said) our social identity activities or even (enter when said) church identity activities to divert us away from the real issues that we need to face in our lives.

If you have your message notes, I want you to take those out.  We’re going to look at a full-on identity theft in the Bible.  And thankfully, a full-on identity recovery. 

The person we’re going to look at is the apostle Paul.  But before he was the apostle Paul he was a religious guy named Saul.  He describes his transition from identity theft to identity recovery in Galatians 2.  He says “What actually took place is this: I tried keeping rules and working my head off to please God, and it didn't work.  So I quit being a "law man" so that I could be God's man.  Christ's life showed me how, and enabled me to do it.  I identified myself completely with him.  Indeed, I have been crucified with Christ.  My ego is no longer central.  It is no longer important that I appear righteous before you or have your good opinion, and I am no longer driven to impress God.  Christ lives in me.  The life you see me living is not ‘mine,’ but it is lived by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.  I am not going to go back on that.”

So what do you see?  You see a person who is having a crisis internally.  That internal crisis of confidence is being worked out externally.  What we see in the apostle Paul, we see in men and women everywhere.  It’s a common journey. So that’s what we’re going to do.  We’re going to see ourselves and our need along the journey of the apostle Paul.

The first step in that journey, the first thing we need to see, is

 (See outline)

1.    The searching.

So what’s Paul searching for?  He’s looking for an identity into which to place his masculinity.  In his day, he had options.  There’s the military identity.  There’s the religious identity.  There are various professional identities he can stick his masculinity into.  But Paul selects a religious identity.  Galatians 2 is what actually took place is this:  “I tried keeping rules and working my head off to please God.”

In saying that, Paul reveals the first key to let you know that you’re suffering from identity theft.  That is, it’s based on your performance.  : Paul feels like his identity is rooted in performance.  Keeping rules, being in the right places, being in the right clubs.  He never knew when he had done enough. He said he’s working his head off, which suggests that there’s a fear down there of – I never know if I’m doing enough.  That’s the first indicator that you’re suffering from identity theft.

When you’re in a performance-based identity, it’s exhausting.  Because you just never know if you’ve done enough to calm that deep fear on the inside.  Have I done enough?  Have I arrived?  Am I there?

You see Paul describe in detail in the verse right below how he was working it – the traditions and associations.  He said, “I was circumcised when I was eight days old.  I am a pure-blooded citizen of Israel and a member of the tribe of Benjamin­–a real Hebrew if there ever was one!  I was a member of the Pharisees, who demand the strictest obedience to the Jewish law.”

Paul externally was number one in the AP religious poll.  He was, and I hate to say this, BAMA  the ALABAMA of college football right now.  This guy was at the top.  He was number one.  

So Paul says I’m a member.  I have the tradition.  I have the association.  And because I have the traditions externally and the associations, I have this elevated sense of myself.  They demand it, I perform.

That’s what we see in the searching.  We see this in the unhealthy identity of Paul working so hard. 

Maybe that’s you.  Maybe you’re working your head off through some identity that is really a deep and desperate quest for significance.

The searching inevitably leads Paul and it leads a lot of us to the next phase of the journey which is…

 (see outline)

2.    The suffering. 

This type of performance-based existence causes us to start valuing our performance in our identity over people.  We stop seeing people and we start seeing only our need for more of what my unhealthy identity is seeking.  And in the process people start suffering.  Look at what Paul says in : Philippians 3:6, “I was so zealous that I harshly persecuted the church.”

There’s your second clue that you’re suffering from a crisis of confidence and identity theft.  When your way to be a man or a woman, your way to believe about yourself and life as a man or woman, and your way to behave as a man or woman  : begins to fragment the relationships that you have around you.  And you become a little stick of dynamite causing people to suffer because of your crisis of confidence.  Which goes back to your sense of self and your identity.

It goes so far, Paul gets so numb in his quest in his identity as a religious man, look at what it leads to. :  “They dragged him out of the city and began to stone him.  His accusers took off their coats and laid them at the feet of a young man named Saul.  As they stoned him, Stephen prayed, ‘Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.” He fell to his knees, shouting, ‘Lord, don’t charge them with this sin!’  With that he died. Saul was one of the witnesses, and he agreed completely with the killing of Stephen. ” 

So you see that Paul is suffering from identity theft.  He’s in a performance based way of believing and behaving.  It gives him the sense of accomplishment and validation and worth as a man.  And in the process of chasing that end game and that goal, he loses sight of his conscience, he loses sight of people, and people around him begin to suffer.

People around you begin to get hurt.  You begin to hurt yourself.  You begin to create problems, not just for yourself but for people connected to you.  You begin to numb yourself to being compassionate about the people that are around you because you are so focused on getting that approval and that acceptance, that significance, that validation as a man or as a woman that you begin to hurt people in the process, agreeing completely with things that violate your conscience and violate other people.

A good sign that there might be a need to reflect and consider a new identity is – Are the people around you suffering because of the way you’ve chosen to be, believe, and behave?  That’s something that God might be saying to you.

So we move from this part of the journey, from the searching, down to the suffering of people, by a man who is suffering from identity theft, to…

 (see outline)

3.    The meeting. 

That’s the next fill in.: “As he was approaching Damascus on this mission, [the mission to persecute and make others suffer] a light from heaven suddenly shone down around him.  He fell to the ground and heard a voice saying to him, ‘Saul! Saul! Why are you persecuting me?’  ‘Who are you, lord?’ Saul asked.  And the voice replied, ‘I am Jesus, the one you are persecuting!  Now get up and go into the city, and you will be told what you must do.’  The men with Saul stood speechless, for they heard the sound of someone’s voice but saw no one!  Saul picked himself up off the ground, but when he opened his eyes he was blind.  So his companions led him by the hand to Damascus.  He remained there blind for three days and did not eat or drink.” 

Have you ever heard that expression:  “A Come-to-Jesus meeting?”  Paul had a Come-to-Jesus meeting.  This is the original come-to-Jesus meeting.  So you’re looking at where we get the phrase from.

So Paul has his come to Jesus meeting and it’s very humbling.  FADES AWAY  There’s the blinding light.  He’s face down on the ground, doesn’t know what’s happening.  The very person he is killing people over is talking to him.  Then he gets a little direction and when he goes to get up from this very humbling experience, he can’t see and he has to be led by the hand.

Some people have a dramatic Come-to-Jesus moment like this where it’s kind of like the burning bush and God talks to them and they have an encounter with God that’s so validating and it’s so personal.  Maybe some of you might have had a burning bush experience. 

A lot of us haven’t, but that doesn’t mean what happened at this meeting in Paul’s life hasn’t happened to us.  A lot of times a light from heaven looks like a knock on the head, doesn’t it?  We have a difficulty.  We have a delay.  We have a problem.  We have a trial.  We have a trauma that just brings us to an absolute full stop on the way we are being, the way we are believing, the way we are behaving. Circumstances paint us into a corner and there’s no where to look but in the mirror. 

That’s how the light comes on for many of us, and it’s humbling, isn’t it?  It’s humbling and figuratively speaking we get knocked to the ground.  And I would submit to you that that is just as valid an encounter with God as a burning bush encounter like Paul had, where you’re humbled, you’re at the end of yourself.  For those of you who are in that situation right now, God is calling your name out very personally.  He’s calling you to a new way to be.  That’s what’s happening.  Jesus wants to have a full-stop meeting with you this morning.

For what purpose?  To stop your identity theft and start the recovery of your real identity. 

So what happens next in Paul’s journey?  What happens next after the identity theft comes to the end and Paul has his moment, we see a few things happening.

 (See outline):

4.    Next comes the morphing. 

You have the meeting and then you have the morphing. The word morphos in the Greek, that’s where we get the word morph that means a transformation, a change, a transition.  What happens to Paul?  We see a transition of identity.  We see a transaction of leadership on the inside.  And we see a transformation of behavior.

: “So I quit being a ‘law man’ so that I could be God's man.  Christ's life showed me how, and enabled me to do it.  I identified myself completely with him.  Indeed, I have been crucified with Christ.  My ego is no longer central.  It is no longer important that I appear righteous before you or have your good opinion, and I am no longer driven to impress God.  Christ lives in me.” 

LEAVE UP UNTIL “CIRCLE. . .”

So we see in the first sentence Paul describing his morphing.  We see the power man, becomes God’s Man. 

Let me submit to the gentlemen in the audience.  This is still an identity-theft issue for us, guys.  Culture is out there.  We have options of identities into which we can place our masculinity, and the power man is still there.  We see it when we get the new business card.  We see it when we get the promotion.  We see our ambition and our drive to get status.  That’s still out there along with a couple others.  There’s possession man, too.  That’s the guy who chases stuff and hopes by osmosis that the stuff that he owns will translate to the inside.  So if I drive an ultimate driving machine I will become the ultimate driving machine.

And then there’s pleasure man who thinks where’s the next thrill?  Where’s the next place of enjoyment?  What’s the next adventure?  What’s the next recreation?  What’s the next thrill seeking thing I can do?

So there are lots of choices.  They’re the same choices that were there for Paul.  But, in Paul’s case, the power man becomes God’s Man.

Can I suggest to the men in the room:  God wants you to make this transition too.  All that identity chasing and energy and expression that’s going into who you’re not, hoping that it’s going to come in and change you from the inside out, do what Paul does.  Quit that one.  Start the new journey and become God’s man.

Then you see after the transition of identity, a transaction of leadership.  ENTER CIRCLE: Circle “my ego is no longer central.”  Pride isn’t driving my energy and expression and fear is not driving my energy and expression. It’s a transaction of leadership.  Christ is in there.

Then you see a transformation of behavior.  It’s no longer important that I impress you or God.  That’s not the way it works.  Christ lives in me.

Paul, in one very short sentence, just tells us about the deception that’s going on out there.  It’s this: that : If I arrange my life externally based on these identities and these activities and loyalties that somehow I’m going to transform from the inside out.  And that is a lie.  It’s a deception.  Transformation of your personal character does not come outside in; it comes inside first, then out. 

When you have your meeting you start morphing.  New management.  New thinking.  New behaviors.  New team.  New coach.  New playbook.  New direction.  Just like Paul.

How do those things sound to you?  New meaning, new team, new coach, new playbook, new direction.  It all starts with new insides. You don’t need new accessories or new activities.  What you need is a new heart.

There are some of you here today, you’re searching and you’re suffering because of your searching to heal your crisis of confidence on the inside.  You need a meeting with Jesus.  And he needs to give you a new heart – just like he did the apostle Paul and billions of people on the planet right now who call themselves followers of Christ.

So the morphing starts happening.  How does that look?  The next part of the journey, the next chapter is

 (see outline)

5.    The freeing.  

We have the searching, the suffering, the meeting and the morphing.  Now we have the freeing.

What you see is the key to identity recovery.  Paul says :“My ego is no longer central.  It is no longer important that I appear righteous before you or have your good opinion, and I am no longer driven to impress God.  Christ lives in me.  The life you see me living is not ‘mine,’ but it is lived by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.  I am not going to go back on that.”        

Wow!  So what is the key to identity recovery?  : Real love.  We see it in this verse.  Why in the Bible is John 3:16 one of the most important verses in the Bible?  Because it shows us what real love is :“For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son.”  

So what’s real love?  Real love is given sacrificially.  There’s no such thing as real love without real sacrifice. Otherwise it’s just words.  Otherwise it’s just flattery.

Parents, we know this from our children.  We can say we love them but if we don’t spend time with them, if we don’t talk with them, if we don’t touch them then those words are meaningless.  It’s the sacrifices of mom, it’s the sacrifices of dad, to spend time and to talk and to touch.  That’s how kids spell love; they know when it’s just words.

The same is true with you as an adult.  Real love is given sacrificially.  And that’s what we see Paul recognizing and responding to.  The sacrificial love of Jesus Christ.  Real love transforms powerfully.  When you have love given sacrificially, it changes everything.  It has teeth.  It sinks into the depth of who you are and how you think about yourself and about your life.

Real love changes the game.  Real love transforms powerfully.  That’s why Jesus said in John 15:13 “Greater love has no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.”

Then real love lasts eternally.  Real love is the love that you don’t fear losing.  It’s just like a kid. They idealize their dads and they’re afraid they’re going to lose their love – moms are taken for granted, dads are idealized.  Dads, and granddads we have a tremendous responsibility to our kids and grandkids who want our love.

That’s what this whole freeing process is about – the key to making the transition and ending identity theft and recovering the identity for which God created you has to do with real love.

Romans 8, Paul is reflecting on this and he says, “So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves.  Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children.  Now we call him, ‘Abba, Father.’ For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God’s children.”        

To affirm that you belong to him.  To affirm that he is mine; she is mine.  Power of a father’s love.  Paul traded out his performance-based identity where he never knew if he had done enough and created a baseline of fear.  He said you’ll go from being a fearful person to a child who securely belongs to a dad.

That’s what it feels like to be free.  That when you’re under pressure, you don’t have to spin out.  You don’t have to make unhealthy choices.  You don’t have to chase something, to grab confidence somewhere else. 

You need the presence and the promise of your heavenly Father.  That’s what Paul talks about here in your last fill-in. 

 (see outline)

6.    The feeling. 

It feels wonderful to know God.  2 Corinthians 3:16-17 “But whenever someone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away.  For the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.”

That freedom is the most precious thing money cannot buy.  It’s an identity you were made for.  It’s a security that stabilizes you from not having to make unhealthy choices to get acceptance by the culture around you, by the peers around you, by the men around or by the women around you.  That freedom liberates.  God wants you to experience a real, emotional, validating, inner freedom.  

It comes from having a dad who’s not only bigger, stronger, wiser than all the other dads you might have had.  But he knows how to love you and he showed his love sacrificially in his Son.  He gave his only Son.  And he wants that love that he’s showing you to transform you from the inside out.  That love will never, ever, ever go away no matter what happens to you, no matter what you do.

So here’s the question:  Where does your confidence come from? Hebrews 13:6 ENTER “So we say with confidence, ‘The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid.  What can man do to me?” 

Where does your confidence come from?  Externals?  Does it come from identities and activities and accessories you’re hoping will resolve your inner fears?

Or does it come internally?  Knowing whose you are.  Settling whose you are.  That I want to be and am, and God wants me to be a son of God, a daughter of God, resting secure and free by love given sacrificially and lasting eternally.  Able, because of that love, to make new choices because I have the presence and the promise of my maker and my Father, making me free from fear.

Prayer:

      For some of you it’s time to go from searching and suffering to a meeting with Jesus.  This is your moment.  This is your encounter.  Because like Paul, like so many others lied to by culture and what you see, you’ve been chasing and it’s exhausting.  Yet the inner fear is not gone.  You want to be free from that fear of never knowing if what you’re doing will be enough to solve what’s going on on the inside.  You recognize that you can’t solve that by becoming someone you’re not made to be.  Some false persona.  It’s your time to ask Christ to come inside and change you from the inside out.  It’s time to meet Jesus.  If that’s you, would you pray with me in your mind a simple prayer?  Say, Jesus I’m ready for my meeting.  I’m ready to meet you with my heart, meet you with my soul, meet you with my mind, and meet you with my strength.  I’m ready to fully accept right now your love given sacrificially on the cross so that I can be transformed powerfully from the inside out.  Jesus, I want real love that lasts eternally.  And that’s your promise to me.  I receive it in your name today.  Make me the person you created me to be.

      There are some of you who are followers of Christ and you have identity theft going on in reverse.  You’ve abandoned God’s love and you’ve forgotten that you are freed by God’s love.  You need a meeting too.  You need to switch back.  You’ve picked up old identities and old activities and old habits and old fears that God’s love has resolved.  You’ve been made free but you’re not acting free.  Now it’s time for your meeting.  You might want to say to Jesus in this moment, Lord Jesus, I’m back.  I want another chance.  I thank you that your love and acceptance for me is eternal.  I receive it.  I’m back.  I want to be freed from those old identities that for some reason or another I’ve picked up again.  I’ve wandered far from you.  I want the freedom Frank’s talking about, resting secure in your presence in my life.  Fill me again with your presence and your power.  Free me to make new choices.  Beginning right now, because of your presence in my life.  In Jesus’ name.  Amen.

6-30-13 Sermon

To listen to today's sermon, click here.

WINNING WITH THE HAND YOU’RE DEALT

Creating A Positive ID – Part 3

06-30-13 Sermon

            “Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!”  Psalm 139:14 (NLT)

             “A person who fears God deals responsibly with all of reality, not just a piece of it.”                                                    Eccles. 7:18 (MSG)

FIVE FACTORS THAT INFLUENCE MY IDENTITY

            “Life is like a hand of poker. You have to play the cards you’re dealt.”

     

      1.  MY______________________________________________________________________

     

     

      2.  MY______________________________________________________________________

3.  MY______________________________________________________________________

4.  MY______________________________________________________________________

5.  MY______________________________________________________________________

FIVE WINNING CHOICES

1.            I Can Choose_______________________________________________________

                        “You made my body, Lord; now give me sense to heed your laws.”  Psalm 119:73 (LB)

2.            I Can Choose _______________________________________________________

            “Let love be your highest goal.”                         1 Cor. 14:1a (NLT)

           

            “I pray that Christ will live in your hearts by faith and that your life will be strong in love             and be built on love.”                 Eph. 3:17 (NCV)

                        “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear.”   1 John 4:18 (NIV)

3.            I Can Choose ________________________________________________________

“God knows us far better than we know ourselves... That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.  God knew what he was doing from the very beginning. He decided from the outset to shape the lives of those who love him along the same lines as the life of his Son. The Son stands first in the line of humanity he restored. We see the original and intended shape of our lives there in him.”       Rom. 8:27-29 (MSG)

                        “I will praise the Lord no matter what happens.” Psalm 34:1 (LB)

4.            I Can Choose __________________________________________________________

“Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.”      Rom. 12:2 (NLT)

           

5.            I Can Choose __________________________________________________________

                        “When someone becomes a Christian, he becomes a brand new person inside. He is not                         the same anymore. A new life has begun!”  2 Cor. 5:17 (LB)

WINNING WITH THE HAND YOU’RE DEALT

Creating A Positive ID – Part 3

06-30-13 Sermon

The Bible says there’s nothing simple about you.  You’re very complex.  You’re multifaceted.   You’re not easy to understand.   You’re not easy to explain.  There are many factors and there are many forces that create you.  In Psalm 139:14, David says “Thank you Lord, for making me so wonderfully complex.”  Circle that on your outline – “wonderfully complex.” 

Guys if you’re sitting next to your wife whisper into her ear right now, “Honey, you are wonderfully complex!”  And then wives you whisper back, “You are amazingly simple!” 

Actually, the Bible says we’re all wonderfully complex.  To become all that God intends for you to be you have to look at every dimension of your life, not just one. 

Ecclesiastes 7:18 – I love this in The Message paraphrase:  “A person who fears God deals responsibly with all of reality, not just a piece of it.”  If you’re going to be who God wants you to be you’re going to have to look at every area of your life.  Every factor, every facet, every force in your life and deal with all of them, to be all that God made you to be.

Today, I want us to look at this subject of being who God meant you to be.  I’m calling it Winning with the Hand You’re Dealt. Because there are actually five factors in your life that influence your identity and who you are.

You did not choose these factors. God dealt some to you. There are some things that you have been dealt in life.  You didn’t choose them.   There are a lot of things that make you you that you had no choice in at all.  They are the hand you were dealt. But you’ve got to play the hand you were dealt.

The good news, and what I want us to look at today, is that the Bible tells us how to still win the game with the hand you’ve been dealt.  What we’re going to do today is talk about the five things that influence your life that make you you and then what God says to do with them to make sure you turn it into a winning hand.

1.    The first factor that makes you you is what I call My Chemistry.

This is your chromosomes. It’s your dna. It’s your genes. It’s your hormones. It is your chemical makeup.  At the most basic biological level it’s you and your body.  Everything that happens to you in your life happens in your body and your body is made up of chemicals.

Every one of us have structural and chemical weaknesses in our bodies.  Some of you have a predisposition to your back going out. It’s just the way your body’s wired.           All of us have biological and chemical deficiencies.  And these create emotional problems. These create physical problems. These create mental problems in our lives. 

I want you to write this down: No flaw is sinful or shameful. In my physical body, in my biology, in my chemistry, no flaw in me is shameful or sinful. It’s just how you’re wired. 

Any artist knows that they’ll often create a flaw in a picture or in a vase or in a piece of pottery to say, there’s nothing else like this in the world. It has this unique flaw in it.  The flaw creates the uniqueness.  Your genes have intentional flaws to create your uniqueness.  Your flaws are a part of your custom design. God designed you and he even uses those flaws for his purpose and his glory.

The first characteristic in your life that makes you you is your biology.  Your body.  Your chemistry.

2.    The second thing that determines your identity is Connections – my Connections.

My connections are my relationships in life.   You are a product of your relationships, especially your early year’s relationships.  Those relationships may have been good or they may have been bad. They may have been healthy. They may have been unhealthy.  They may have been nonexistent. Or they may have been abusive. But you are a product of your relationships.

Study after study has shown that your identity, how you see yourself is largely determined by what you think the most important people in your life think of you. What you think the most important people in your life think of you tends to determine your self-image, your self-esteem, your self-concept.

That’s why I’ve told you many times to make sure Jesus is the most important person in your life.  Because he’s going to love you unconditionally and he’s going to tell you the truth.

So the connections in your life, your relationships, help determine your identity.  My connections give my life meaning. My connections give my life purpose.  And my connections give my life identity.

One day Jesus was walking down the street and a guy comes up and says, Lord, what’s life all about?  And Jesus says, Life is all about love.  He said, You can summarize all of life in two sentences: Love God with all your heart and love your neighbor as yourself. Be connected to God and be connected with each other. Be in harmony with God and be in harmony with each other.

There’s a third card that makes you you. My chemistry – that’s my biology, my body; my connections – that’s my relationship. 

3.    The third card that makes you you and makes me me is My Circumstances.

These are the things that happen to you. These are the things that happen around you. None of these things were in your control.   You didn’t choose your chemistry.   You didn’t choose your initial connections. And you certainly haven’t chosen all your circumstances.

If you’ve ever been abused your abuse has affected your identity whether it was physical, emotional, sexual or whatever.  If you’ve ever experienced rejection, that has affected your identity. If you’ve ever had a failure or a series of failures, major failures in your life, that has affected your identity.  If you had a crisis, if you had a catastrophe, these are all things that leave scars on your identity. Problems shape your life.  Pressures shape your life.  Pain shapes your life.  It’s part of what you were dealt in life.

There’s a fourth card, a fourth factor that makes you you.  And this is a big one.

4.    It’s what I call My Consciousness.

My Consciousness is how I talk to myself. That’s your consciousness. How I talk to myself. How you think about you. 

You’re talking to yourself constantly.  Constantly. There is never a time in your life when you are not talking to you.  If you talk to your friends the way you talk to you, they wouldn’t be your friends. Because you are your toughest critic. And by the way, you lie to yourself all the time. The Bible says, the heart is deceitful.  You lie to yourself more than you lie to anybody else.  You tell yourself things that just aren’t true, but you believe them.

Your consciousness influences your identity. Other people said to you– you’re no good, you’re worthless, you’ll never amount to anything,  you’re  uncoordinated, you aren’t very attractive, you’re a loser, blah, blah, blah.  You file that. But then you started repeating it. And you started saying it over and over.  That’s just like me to be… this. That’s just like me to be... that.  You’ve said it over and over and over and it got deeper and deeper in your consciousness.

Your habitual thoughts are your identity. What you think about you. That’s your identity. The Bible says this.  Proverbs 23:7, “For as a man thinks in his heart, so he is.”  What you think about you, that’s you – whether it’s true or not.

Proverbs 4:23 says this: “Be careful what you think, because your thoughts run your life.”  If you want your life to go in a different direction you’re going to have to direct those thoughts in a different direction.

Here’s the amazing thing: When you think a thought it doesn’t have to be true to hurt you.   You just have to believe it.  So if somebody says, you’re never going to amount to anything, and you believe it, guess what?   You’re never going to amount to anything. If you tell yourself, this marriage isn’t going to last, it isn’t going to last.  The person who says I can’t and the person who says I can are both right!  For as a man thinketh so is he.  Be careful what you think because your thoughts run your life. And if you think a thought long enough you become it. And if you believe it about yourself, you act it out.

Here’s the problem.  You know those fears you’ve got that you keep going over and over in your mind?  Our fears are often self-fulfilling.  We sabotage ourselves. We set ourselves up. Job 3:25.  Job says this. “What I have always feared has happened to me. What I dreaded has come to be.”  A self-fulfilling prophecy.

That’s the problem with fear. Fears can become reality.  We start acting in that way.  “I’m afraid to do this,” so then you are afraid to do this. “I’m afraid I can’t do this,” then you can’t do that.

Write this down:  Feelings aren’t facts. 

“I feel unattractive.”  That doesn’t mean you are.  “I feel fat.” That doesn’t mean you are.  “I feel dumb.”  That doesn’t mean you are.  “I feel nobody would ever want to marry me.”  Are you sure?   Feelings aren’t facts.  They’re feelings.  And feelings lie all the time. 

So my consciousness affects my identity.  But there’s a fifth card. This fifth card is so important because it controls all the other cards. 

5.    The fifth card that makes me me is My Choices.

The Bible says that you were created in the image of God.  What does that mean? 

It means a lot of things but one of them is this:  You have a free moral choice.  You have the choice to choose. That’s because you’re made in God’s image. God made you.  You can choose to do right or wrong.

The freedom of choice is your greatest blessing.  It is also your greatest curse.  Because we make stupid choices all the time. We make dumb choices. We make self-defeating choices. We make harmful choices that harm ourselves, our bodies, our circumstances and everybody around us.  So it becomes a negative thing in our lives.  It’s a blessing but it’s also a curse.

But here’s the good news about this card.   God says it’s a wild card.  It’s the wild card.  This card can change the suit and the number of any of the other cards you’re dealt.  This is the wild card.

Your choices can determine these other cards.  I didn’t get to choose my chemistry but I can choose what I do with my body and how I make the most with what I’ve got. That’s my choice.  And I can choose to do the best I can with what I’ve got. 

         I didn’t choose all of my relationships but I can choose how I respond to them.  And I can choose new relationships.  And I can choose to learn relational skills.  And I can choose a lot of things that will change my connections. 

         I don’t choose my circumstances but I certainly can choose how I respond to them. I am response-able.  That means I’m responsible. I’m able to respond. God has given us responsibility which means we have the ability to respond.  I don’t control everything that happens to me.  But I control everything that happens in me, by what I choose to do in that response.  

         And even on my consciousness, I didn’t control what people said to me, those old tapes that went in my mind and I started believing, believing them. But I can choose to stop believing them.  And I can choose to think differently.  I can choose a different consciousness.  I can control my thoughts. I can change the rudder of my boat by simply changing the way that I think.  

This is the good news.  And if you use it you can change the number and the suit of every card.  And your life and your destiny in eternity is determined by this card.  Ultimately your identity is based on your choices. And it’s the wild card that can change everything else.

There are five winning choices that you can make with the hand you’ve been dealt. Each of them has to do with each of these cards.

With this first card, My Chemistry, my biology, my chromosomes, my makeup, my physical being.

1.    First choice. I can choose to get healthier.

I don’t care what handicap you have in your life. You can be healthier than you are right now.  I can choose to get healthier.  There are things that I can do that will increase my energy.  There are things I can do that will lower my stress. There are things I can do that will cause me to have more power, more health in my life.  I can eat better, get more sleep, reduce the stress. There are all kinds of things I can do.  And that’s totally in my control.  Psalm 119:73 says this, “You made my body, Lord; now give me sense to heed your laws.”  

So improving the control-ables reduces the impact of the uncontrollables in my life. There are things in your life you can’t change about your body.  But you can change the controllables.  And you could have more energy than you’ve got. And you could be in better shape. And you could probably extend your life some simply by eating right, doing right, being right – things like that.                           

So that’s in your control. Maybe you need to go get a checkup. Maybe you need to go get some blood work. Maybe you need to go see a dentist. Maybe you need to get a supplement or get on some kind of hormone replacement.  Whatever.  I don’t know. But the fact is, there are some steps you can do – medicine, exercise, controllable things. So you start with the physical. The first card. What do I need to do physically?

The second choice has to do with My Connections.  

2.    The choice I make here is I can Choose to Deepen Relationships. 

That’s an intentional choice, to make my relationships better.  They can be better than they are right now. I can choose to deepen my relationships. I can learn some communication skills. I can build some new, healthy relationships and replace some bad, unhealthy relationships.  I can reach out. I can work on my relationships. I can risk connecting. 

I don’t say that word “risk” arbitrarily. Because any connection you make is going to be a risk. If you’re going to build some new healthy relationships, you’re going to have to risk some connecting. 

Write this down:  The fear of rejection prevents connection.  The reason why you feel disconnected is your fear of being rejected, your fear of disapproval, your fear of being hurt, your fear of others. 

How do I get rid of fear?  How do I get rid of that fear?    1 John 4:18, “There is no fear in love.    [Circle “no fear.”]  Perfect love casts out all fear.” 

Why does love take away fear?  Because love takes the focus off me and puts it on somebody else.  It’s not about me.  My needs, my health, my heart, my hurt. It’s about you.  Love has no fear because it’s not about me. 

Fear is FEAR – False Evidence Appearing Real.  It’s not real. 

So how do you get rid of the fear in your life?  The fear of making that connection. The fear of making a commitment.  The fear of getting to know a stranger.  The fear of getting in a small group.  All of these things.  How do I get rid of that?

You can’t talk yourself out of it because fear isn’t logical. It isn’t rational.  So you can rationalize it all you want but it isn’t going to go away.

There’s only one way to get rid of fear.  Do the thing you fear the most.  Move against your fear. Fear does not go away by logic.  Fear goes away by action.  You move and the fear vanishes.  Fear is always worse than the reality.  Why?   Because fear torments you twenty-four hours a day. And the reality of that might only last an hour.  The fear is always worse than the reality. 

So you have to say, what am I going to do?  1 Corinthians 14:1 “Let love be your highest goal.” That ought to be your goal for the rest of your life. It’s not about accomplishments. It’s not about achievements. It’s not about fame. It’s about love. Love is going to be my highest goal.  Life is all about learning how to love. 

Love means risking connections. It means stepping out.

You ought to pray Ephesians 3:17, “I pray that Christ will live in your hearts by faith and that your life will be strong in love [circle that – “strong in love.”] and be built on love.  [Circle that “strong in love” and “built in love.”]   You ought to pray that every morning.  Every morning get up and say, “Today, Jesus Christ, I want you to fill my heart by faith. And Jesus Christ, today I want to be strong in love. And I want to be built on love.” 

The third, on the Circumstances of life – the trauma, the trouble, the pain, the pressure, the problems, the stress, the suffering in my life. 

3.    I can choose to Trust God no matter what happens. 

I can choose to trust God regardless of my circumstances.  And that gives you an identity nobody else is going to have.

Romans 8:27-29, I love this in the Message “God knows us far better than we know ourselves… That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God [circle “every detail”] is worked into something good. [It’s not all good but it can be worked into something good.]  God knew what he was doing from the very beginning. He decided from the outset to shape the lives of those who love him along the same lines as the life of his Son.  The Son, Jesus, stands first in the line of humanity he restored. And we see the original and intended shape of our lives there in him.”  God wants to use every circumstance in my life to make me like Jesus.

Psalm 34:1, “I will praise the Lord no matter what happens.”  Friends, when you get to that point, that’s a choice.  It’s the confidence that says hit me with your best shot!  I will praise the Lord no matter what happens.  That is a confidence that is built on my relationship to God and it can’t be taken from me. I will praise the Lord no matter what.

Write this down on your outline: I’m a product of my past but I’m not a prisoner of it. I am a product of my past.  Yes, it has influenced me.  My chemistry, my connections, my circumstances, they’ve all influenced me. I’m a product of my past. But I am not a prisoner of it. And I can be different. 

That leads me to number four and this is a big one – the fourth choice.

4.    I can choose what I think about.

I can’t choose what other people say about me or what they say to me. But I can choose what I continue to allow in my mind.  Your self is created by your memories.

For years everybody thought that the adult brain could not be changed.  This is standard.  But then a guy won the 2002 Nobel Prize in neurobiology for proving that you can rewire the adult brain.  You can change your brain.  It is elastic.  It is not in concrete.  And your brain can change and it can be rewired regardless of what’s happened in your past.  You can change.

It’s great that science in 2002 finally caught up with the Bible.  Because two thousand years earlier in Romans 12 God said this “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world… [the habits and their pattern of thinking] but let God transform you [change your mind, change your brain.  Transform you.] Let him transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.”  Change your brain, change your life. 

Philippians 4:8 “Dear brothers and sisters, let me say one more thing as I close this letter. Fix your thoughts [that means intentional focus] on what is true and honorable and right. [You need to fill your mind with the truth, not lies.] Think about things that are pure and lovely and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.”   That means you get the garbage out of your life.   You don’t watch junk tv. There are some movies you don’t go to.  There are a lot of books you just don’t read, because you think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.

You can rewire your brain.   You can.  It’s a choice. I can choose what I think about. I can choose my consciousness.

There’s one more choice I can make. Remember the fifth card is the wild card.  This is the wild card that can change the number and the suit, the color, of every other card that I’ve been dealt.

5.    The fifth choice I can choose is this. I can choose Jesus as my Savior. 

When I talk about Savior I’m not just talking about saving you out of hell into heaven. I’m not just talking about saving you from your sins and forgiving you.   I’m talking about letting Jesus be your Savior every day. This changes everything. Because when I choose Jesus as my Savior every day, I get the power to follow through on these choices. I can make these choices but I’m not going to stick with them on willpower. I’ve got to make choices and then depend on Jesus to give me the power to do these things. I choose him as my Savior.

I say, “Jesus, I need you to save me from my chemistry. I need you to save me from my physical, emotional, mental defects. I need your salvation in my heart, body and mind. Jesus, I need you to save my relationships. They’re going south. I need you to save me to have healthy relationships not hurtful, harmful ones. And Jesus, I need you to save me from my circumstances.  From the problems, from the pressures, from the trauma, from the trouble. And Jesus, I need you to save my mind and put a guard up there. Put on the helmet of salvation. What’s the helmet for?  To guard your mind, so it protects you from the thoughts that come in and influence you, because your mind controls your life. Jesus, I need you to save me not from sin. I need you to save me from myself.”

The Bible says this:  “When someone becomes a Christian, he becomes a brand new person inside. He’s not the same anymore. A new life has begun!” It’s like being born again. It’s like starting over. That’s a whole new identity.

You think that you’re waiting on God to change stuff in your life?  God. I’ve really wanted to be married. God, I’ve really wanted to get healthier. God, I really wanted to have that job.  All those things that you think you’re waiting on God for, God says, I’m waiting on you to use the wild card I gave you. Because according to your faith it will be done unto you.  You get to choose.  You get to choose how much I bless your life. And it is never too late to start over. 

Prayer:

      Pray this prayer with me in your heart:  Dear God, there’s some things in my hand that life has dealt me and that others have dealt me that I don’t like. But I thank you for the wild card, that you made me in your image and I can make choices.  Today, in your power and in your strength, I choose to get healthier.  I choose to do the things that will give me more energy and a healthier body and a healthier mind and healthier emotions.  

      Then say, Lord, I choose to build healthy relationships.  I’m so scared to death but I’m going to risk building some new healthy connections. There’s no fear in love. Help me to get the focus off me and onto others. I want love to be my highest goal.  Jesus, I want my heart to be filled with you by faith.  And I want to be strong in love. 

Dear God, I choose to trust you regardless of the circumstances. I will praise the Lord no matter what happens. I’m going to trust that every detail of my life is being worked out for good and for God. I want to be like Jesus. I want to see the original intended shape of my life in him. 

Dear God, thank you that I can choose what I think about. No more garbage in my mind.  No more junk. I want to think on things that are lovely and pure and honest and true. Help me to fill my life with the positive memories that you’ve given me and the word of truth.

Most of all, Jesus, I choose you as my Savior. I need you to do more than save me from my sins and salvation into heaven. I need that. But even more, I need you to save me from myself.  I need you to save me from all the things that have shaped me in the wrong ways. I need you to help me to rewire my mind, my body, my heart, my relationships and every part of my body so that the rest of my life is the best of my life.  I pray this in the name of my Savior, Jesus.  Amen.