8-14-11

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THE TRUTH ABOUT STRESS

Exploding The Myths That Make Us Miserable - Part 5 of 6

08-14-11 Sermon

MYTH:  “Other people cause my stress.”

TRUTH:  How I choose to respond creates the stress.

I.            JESUS’ STRATEGY FOR HANDLING STRESS (7 principles)

1.______ Identification:  ______

“I am . . . the Light of the world . . . the Son of God . . . the Way, the Truth and the Life . . . the Bread of Life . . . .”  Jn. 8:12, Mk. 14:62, Jn 14:6, Jn 6:35

“I testify on my own behalf.”  John 8:18 (RSV)

2.______ Dedication:  ______ .

“I only try to please the One who sent me.”  John 5:30 (NCV)

“No one can serve two masters . . . .”  Luke 16:13

3.______ Prioritization:  ______ .

“. . . I know where I came from and where I am going.”  Jn. 8:14

“I must proclaim the good news . . . for I was sent for this purpose.”  Luke 4:43 (RSV)

4.______ Concentration:  ______ .

“As the time drew near for his return to heaven, he moved steadily onward toward Jerusalem with an iron will.”  Luke 9:51 (LB)

“Anyone who lets himself be distracted from the work I plan for him is not fit for the Kingdom of God.”  Luke 9:62 (LB)

“Martha was distracted . . . So Jesus said, ‘You are worried and bothered about so many things; but only a few things are necessary, really only one . . . .’”  Luke 10:40‑42 (NAS)

5.______ Delegation:  ______ .

“He appointed twelve ‑‑ designating them apostles ‑‑ that they might be with him and that he might send them out to preach.”  Mark 3:14

6.______ Meditation:  ______ .

“News about Jesus spread even more.  Crowds came to hear him and to be healed . . . but Jesus often slipped away to be alone so he could pray.”  Luke 5:15‑16 (NCV)

7.______ Relaxation:  ______ .

“Crowds of people were coming and going so that they did not even have time to eat.  He said to them, ‘Come away by yourselves, and we will go to a lonely place to get some rest.’”  Mark 6:31 (NCV)

“Jesus came enjoying life . . . .”  Matt. 11:19 (Ph)

“Come to me, all of you who are tired and have heavy loads, and I will give you REST . . . learn from me . . . and you will find rest for your lives.  The teaching that I ask you to accept is easy; the load I give you to carry is light.”  Matt. 11:28‑30  (NCV)

THE TRUTH ABOUT STRESS

Exploding The Myths That Make Us Miserable - Part 5 of 6

07-14-11 Sermon

We’re going to talk about stress for a few minutes this morning, so I’m going to give you a little quiz to see how familiar you are with stress.  Would you complete these sentences:

·            I’m all stressed ____ (out)

·            I’m all shook ____ (up)

·            I’m at the end of my _____ (rope)

·            I’m coming un____ (glued)

·            I’m about to fall a____ (part)

·            I’m ready to throw in the _____ (towel). 

You guys are pros at stress.  I mean, you know what you’re talking about.  But stress is not your problem.  Stress is a symptom of your problem.  Underneath the stress are the real issues that cause the stress.  Many of them are myths that make you miserable.  And so, today I want us to look at what’s beneath the stress that’s causing the stress.  And we’re going to look at the life of Christ. 

Now, when I look at the life of Jesus, I’m amazed at how calm, cool and collected He was in spite of pressure, criticism, enormous stress, very little private time to Himself, people all around Him all of the time, being misunderstood.  Jesus’ life reflects a calm sense of balance.  What is it about His life that made Him so stress-resistant?  Well, in the Gospels there are seven statements of Jesus; seven statements that reflect a strategy for reducing stress in your life.  I’d like to look at them this morning. 

I. jesus’ strategy for handling stress  (7 Principles)

1.         The Principle of Identification:  I Must Know Who I Am.  That’s the first stress resister.  Unless you settle this issue, you’re going to be an easy target for stress.  In Jesus’ case, He had no doubt about His identity; He knew exactly who He was.  In fact, 18 times in Scripture Jesus defined Himself.  He says, “I am . . . the Bread of Life . . . I am the way . . . the Truth and the Life . . . I am the Light of the world . . . I am the Son of God . . . I am the Messiah . . . I am the door . . . I am the vineyard . . . I am the one who brings life . . .”  (Jn. 8:12, Mk. 14:62, Jn. 14:6, Jn. 6:35, etc.)  And on, and on, and on.  There’s no doubt in His mind about who He was.  In fact, there on your outline in John 8:18 (RSV) He says, “I testify on my own behalf.”  That simply means, I don’t depend on other people’s opinions to validate myself.  Now, listen, if you don’t know who you are, if you don’t settle this issue of identity, other people will determine it for you.  And they will put you in a box, and they will mold you, and they will squeeze you, and they will make you conform to an image they want you to be.  They may even manipulate you and abuse you.  And, you will find yourself not being really who you are meant to be, but what you think your partner, or your parents, or your friends, or your boss think you ought to be.  And that is called stress.  When you try to be something you’re not, it causes enormous stress. 

Trying to be something you’re not doesn’t work.  And so, the first step is get comfortable with who you are.  Become acquainted with your strength, with your weakness; face the truth about yourself; realize that you are not that ideal that you have of yourself; realize what you really are and accept it, and value it, and love it, and don’t worry about what you’re not.  Be who God made you to be.  When you settle that, it dramatically reduces the stress because you’re not worried about what other people think.  You see, God does not want copies and God does not want clones.  And, the two problems that cause stress in your life, in this area, are copying others and comparing yourself to others. 

2.         The Principle Of Dedication:  Which is I must not only know who I am, I must Know Who I Am Trying To Please.  Now, the second cause of stress in people’s lives is when you try to please everybody, and, of course, you can’t do it.  Because, the moment you get one group pleased, the other group gets mad at you.  You get crowd A ready and Crowd B gets upset.  You get crowd B okay and crows A gets upset.  You’re a hero, then you’re a zero.  You cannot please everybody.  Listen, God cannot please everybody.  Two people are praying, one prays “God make it rain,” the other says, “God don’t make it rain.”  Who is God going to answer?  On election day there are people praying on both sides of issues.  Who is God going to answer?  Even God can’t please everybody.  And, only a fool would try to do what God can’t do.  I learned a long time ago that, as a pastor, I’m always disappointing somebody because we all have different expectations and preferences and desires.  So, you’ll always be disappointing somebody. 

Now, one of the myths that’s out there is that “I must be liked by everybody in order to be happy.”  That’s just not true.  You don’t have to be liked by everybody to be happy.  You must know who you’re going to please and settle that.  With Jesus it was a settled issue.  In John 5:30 He says, “I only try to please the One who sent me.”  He says, “I’m going to live for an audience of one.  I’m going to focus on pleasing God.”  Now, that sounds pretty good because, in the first place, if you do what God wants, it’s always the right thing no matter what anybody else thinks.  In the second place, it simplifies life because you only have to focus on pleasing one person.  One of the reasons why Jesus never was stressed is because He never let the fear of rejection, or the need for approval, motivate, or dominate, or manipulate, His life.  He knew who He was and He knew who He was trying to please.  You don’t have to be loved by everybody in order to be happy.  If you do think that, you become a people-pleaser. 

Let me just ask you, Whose approval are you depending on for your happiness?  Think about that.  You don’t need it and you may not get it.  Some of you are still trying to please an unpleasable parent who never gave it to you when you were a kid ‑‑ they’re not going to give it to you now.  They may have even already died and you’re still trying to live up to an image that you thought, they thought, you ought to be.  Know who you are ‑‑ I’m a child of God.  You know who you are by knowing whose you are.  I’m a child of God, I’m deeply loved, Christ died for me.  And Christ would not have died for junk.  And then you know who you’re trying to please.  I’m trying to please my Heavenly Father ‑‑ live for Him. 

You see, we love to blame other people for our stress.  We say things like, “I’ve got to,” “I have to,” “I must,” “I should,” “Everyone is expecting me to,” “I need to.”  No you don’t.  Who says?  Nobody’s holding a gun to your head, you’re not a victim.  The fact is, it’s a choice.  You might write this down, Nobody can pressure me without my permission.  Because, they can’t.  No one can pressure you without your permission.  You can put two people in the same situation and one gets stressed out and one’s okay.  Why?  It’s the way they choose to respond to it.  I have to know who I am and who I’m trying please. 

3.         Prioritization:  Which means Know What I Want To Accomplish because you don’t have time for everything.  Would you agree with that?   You don’t have time for everything.  So, you’ve got to know what you want to accomplish.  You will be guided in life either by priorities or by pressures.  Those are your only two options.  If you don’t set priorities, you will be guided by pressures.  Priorities are what you think God wants you to do; pressure is what everybody else wants you to do.  God loves you and everybody else has a wonderful plan for your life and they’d love to fill up your agenda.  But, you need to set some priorities or you’ll be guided by pressure.  What I’m saying is that the direction of your life really is your choice.  And, by setting priorities, you avoid “the tyranny of the urgent.”  When Eisenhower was President, he used to have two things on his desk:  One said urgent and one said important.  And he said his habit was to always ignore the urgent for about two days and then about half of them he could just toss because they were urgent but they weren’t always important.  And, there is a big difference. 

Look at this verse, what about Jesus.  Jn. 8:14, “. . . I know where I came from and where I am going.”  He established clear-cut goals for His life.  Do you?  Do you establish clear-cut goals for your life?  See, by setting priorities, He knew what He wanted to accomplish.  Do you ever get to the end of the day and go, “Did I get anything done today?  Did I accomplish anything today or was I just spinning my wheels?”  Have you learned the difference between busyness and productivity?  That you can be spinning your wheels and not getting anything accomplished.  It comes to this issue of prioritization ‑‑ what really counts.  You see, Jesus lead a “purpose-driven life.”  Notice this next verse.  Luke 4:43 (RSV), “I must proclaim the good news . . . for I was sent for this purpose.”  In fact, if you want to do a little interesting Bible study, look up the word “must” and how many times Jesus said it and see what He says about it.  “I must work while it’s day time.”  He had His purposes clear.  In fact, do another study of what He says he came to do.    “I came to give life . . . I came to seek and save the lost . . . I came to bring not peace but a sword . . . I came . . .”  He knew exactly not only who He was, and who He was trying to please, but He also knew what He was trying to accomplish.  It was very clear.  And so, He stayed focused and He knew what He wanted to accomplish. 

Now, let me ask you, what’s driving your life?  Jesus was driven by a great purpose.  What’s driving your life?  The approval of others?  The need to make a lot of money?  Trying to fit in with the status quo?  Those are weak drives that lead to stress.  So, let me give you a little tip.  Each day when you get up, ask yourself what is really most important today, what is really going to make a difference for God, and focus on that.  And that leads us to the fourth point which is:

4.         The Principle Of Concentration:  We see this so beautifully in the life of Christ and that is, Focus On What Is Important.  You know who you are, you know who you’re trying to please, you know what you’re trying to accomplish, and then you focus on it and you focus on what’s most important; you don’t get distracted by the trivia.  You see, I’ve learned from personal experience that if Satan can’t get you to do wrong, he’ll just wear you out with a lot of good things.  He’ll just get you over-committed to a lot of good things that keep you from the best things, the things that really count, that really matter.  Jesus was a master at concentration, He knew how to focus.  He focused His life like a laser, and light focused has power, and light diffused has no power.  He refused to be distracted.  Notice this verse.  Luke 9:51 (LB), “As the time drew near for his return to heaven, he moved steadily onward toward Jerusalem with an iron will.”  He is persistent, He is determined, He is focused, He’s concentrating.  Paul was the same way.  Paul said in Philippians, “This one thing I do . . . .”  The problem with us today is we say these 40 things I dabble in.  Paul says, “This one thing I do . . . .”  I see the incredible spiritual potential in your life that God wants to use, the things that God could do through you, you don’t even see these things, but God sees them.  You have this great potential.  The problem is many of you have never yet settled this issue right here ‑‑ What is really most important in life.  And so, you fritter your time away on things that don’t count, that aren’t going last for eternity, and then you end up saying, “I don’t have time to have a quiet time,” “I don’t have time to get in a small group,” “I don’t have time to study my Bible,” “I don’t have time to be involved in a ministry.”  Well, when you stand in Heaven one day before God and He says, “Why didn’t you do the things that would help you grow,” you say, “I didn’t have time,” He’s going to say, “Huh, I think your priorities are out of whack here.”  Jesus said, “Set your priorities and don’t be distracted.”  A couple of guys came to Jesus one day and said, “Lord, we’d love to serve you but we just don’t have time.”  Here’s how He responded, Luke 9:62 (LB), “Anyone who lets himself be distracted from the work I plan for him is not fit for the Kingdom of God.”  Pretty strong words.  You see, some of you are caught up in “The Martha Syndrome” which means you’re over-scheduled.  And, Jesus had this to say to Martha, Luke 10:40‑42 (NAS), “Martha was distracted . . .  So Jesus said, ‘You are worried and bothered about so many things; (does that describe any of you?  You’re worried and bothered about many things) but only a few things are necessary, really only one . . . .’”  He says focus on your relationship to me and what’s the promise, I remember it somewhere back there ‑‑ seek first the Kingdom and what happens? . . . all the other things will be brought into focus.”  That’s concentration. 

5.         Delegation:  Let Other People Help Me.  You see we get under stress because we think we have to do it all ourselves.  We think we are the general manager of the universe.  We think that we’re Atlas ‑‑ holding everything up, and holding everything together.  Of course, when you get sick and all of a sudden you can’t hold it together, you realize the world goes on anyway.  Somebody said if you really want to see your importance, stick your hand in a bucket of water and then take it out and see the hole it left.  It had a real impact there.

Delegation means let other people help you.  Finish this sentence:  You know if you want a job well done _______________ (do it yourself).  You know what that is?  That is the motto of a perfectionist headed for burnout.  Think of the egotism behind that statement.  The only person who does anything right in the world is me.  And, if anything is going to be done right, I’m going to have to do it.  Now, if anybody had a right to say that, of course, it was Jesus Christ because He was perfect and He could do it better than anybody else.  But, even Jesus didn’t try to do it all by Himself; He involved people.  Mark 3:14, “He appointed twelve ‑‑ designating them apostles ‑‑ that they might be with him and that he might send them out to preach.”  He got other people involved in the ministry. 

Question:  Do you think Jesus could have done a better job of preaching than the disciples?  No doubt about it.  Then why did He do it?  He knew He needed to involve other people; He was modeling it.  Those of you who are bosses, don’t make all the mistakes yourself, let some of the employees make a few of them.  You see, we get under stress when we’ve got a problem and we think “I’ve got to handle this by myself.  It’s my problem, therefore I’ll handle it by myself.”  God says, “What do you think I gave you the church for?”  You see, sitting right there in your pew, think of the thing that has you under stress right now.  Right there in this tent, probably not five, ten feet away is somebody who could help you with that problem.  Either through encouragement, through advice, through practical assistance; there are people in this church who are here willing to help you if you’ll just be humble enough to admit “I need help,” “I need a problem-solver,” “I need somebody to just hold my hand,” “I need somebody to pray for me.”  You see, you know why we don’t allow other people to help us and so we get under stress?  Two reasons:  Insecurity and pride.  I’m afraid, what will they think.  What will they think about me?  I’ll tell you what they’ll think, they’ll think you’re like everybody else ‑‑ we all have problems, we all have hang-ups, we all get under stress.  And, God didn’t mean for you to be this lone ranger, He wants you to get help from other people. 

Fifty-eight times in the New Testament the phrase “one another” is used.  Love one another, care for one another, encourage one another, help one another, greet one another, share with one another, and on and on and on.  This church has enough potential to care for every need we have in it if we let other people help us.  When you do that, your stress goes down. 

6.         Meditation:  Make A Habit Of Prayer.  Now, prayer is a great stress reliever.  It is a decompression chamber.  I just kind of spell out what I’m feeling to God.  I say, “Lord, this is how I feel.”  And prayer is a great stress reliever ‑‑ it’s a way to unload your burdens.  And, when you study the life of Jesus, you find that no matter how busy He got, He always took time for prayer.  In fact, the busier your schedule gets, the more you need to pray.  Did you hear that.  Martin Luther once said, I was going to have such a busy day that I had to get up an hour earlier to pray.  The busier you get, the more you need to set aside time to pray and read the Bible.  To get input so you’re not just having all of this output go out of your life.  Look at Luke 5:15 ‑16 (NCV), “News about Jesus spread even more.  Crowds came to hear him and to be healed . . . but Jesus often slipped away to be alone so he could pray.”  He made it a habit.  And, if Jesus felt the need to get alone to pray, even with pressing needs around him, certainly we should too.  You need time alone; to get alone with God, you read God’s Word, you pray and you let Him talk to you and you talk back to Him.  Reflect, and recharge, and renew. 

I think it was Pascal, the famous philosopher who once said, “Most of man’s problems come from his inability to sit still.”  The Bible says, “Be still and know that I am God.”  When is the last time you sat still for five minutes without the radio or TV on and you just sat there and didn’t say anything?  Would you agree that even noise is a stress?  Of course it is.  Let me give you a little tip, do you want to start your day off right?  Start your day talking to God and listening to God. 

You see, here’s what happens ‑‑ you want to start your day off right ‑‑ normally when you wake up in the morning, the first thing you wake up to is an ALARM clock.  It’s not a “How are you, Good morning,” it’s an ALARM clock.  And so, you wake up in a state of ALARM.  That really started your day off right, this ALARM clock going off.  And, you get up and turn on the TV and while you’re getting ready, you’re hearing about the unstable stock market, and you’re hearing about more troops dying in war and the crime rate going up, and then you sit down to eat your Wheaties and you read the paper and you read about the rapes, and the murders from last night, and the corruption, and all of the problems going on and another bunch of people being laid off from their jobs.  And then you get in the car and you’re going to work and you turn on talk radio and hear more bad news and you get to work and wonder, “I wonder why I’m stressed out?” 

Let me give you a little alternative ‑‑ get up in the morning, open the Word of God, sit down, sit outside in your backyard, be quiet, listen and look, and meditate.  And see if that doesn’t make a difference in your stress level.

7.         Relaxation:  We find this in Jesus’ life too.  And it is this:  Take Time To Enjoy Life.  Stop and smell the roses.  Dick Vermeil was the coach for years of the Philadelphia Eagles football team and a number of years ago when the NFL went on strike and the season was cut short and all of a sudden there were no games to be played and he had nothing to do.  Dick Vermeil was a workaholic who, every football season, lived in his office, he would sleep in his office for the entire season because he was so focused on football and he was a workaholic.  Now, when the strike occurred and there was no football, one day he and his wife went out to go for a ride and as they were driving down the street in Autumn, he looked out and said, “What’s wrong with these trees.”  And his wife had to explain to him that they turned yellow and gold in Fall in Philadelphia.  He was that out of balance.  At the end of that season he resigned saying he was burned out.  And everybody said Vermeil would be back in a couple of years, but he never came back.  Why?  Because he was out of balance in his life. 

Those of you who are workaholics, would you listen to this:  Rest and recreation are not wasted time.  Jesus habitually took time off.  Even though there were more people to be healed, there were more people that needed to be saved, there were more people that needed deliverance, He still took time off.  Now, is your job more important than Jesus?  Than His job?  And He’d often take the disciples out to the desert.  Notice in Mark 6:31 (NCV), “Crowds of people were coming and going so that they did not even have time eat.  (Now, that’s serious.  I don’t know if I could be a disciple [Laughter] and)  He said to them, ‘Come away by yourselves, and we will go to a lonely place to get some rest.’”  He looks at His disciples, they’re all haggard, He goes, “Fellas, you deserve a break today.”  So, He takes them out to the desert, where there’s palm trees, and there’s springs ‑‑ by the way, this is a biblical basis for a Palm Springs vacation, there’s palms and there’s springs, Palm Springs.  It’s right there in Mark 6, so you could plan it.  And, so they rest.  He said, “Come apart.  If you don’t come apart, you’re going to come apart.” 

Now, I discovered that unless I schedule time off, there’s always something more important.  Have you found that to be true?  It’s very easy.  So, what you’ve got to do is this little thing,  divert daily, withdrawal weekly, and abandon annually.  That’s the key to lasting.  First, you divert daily.  That means you take little mini vacations every day.  Know what recharges you.  Is it playing in the backyard, doing a little gardening, hitting some golf balls?  Is it tickling your kids?  Is it doing needlework?  Is it reading a good novel?  Is it going out and working out?  Know what recharges you.  You divert daily ‑‑ take little mini vacations.  Then, you withdraw weekly.  Every week, you take a day off.  And then you abandon annually.  Go out on a vacation.  Rest and recreation are so important that God put them in the Big 10.  Right up there when He said, “Don’t commit adultery, don’t murder, don’t steal, don’t lie.  He also said,  “Take a day off every seven days.”  It’s right up with all of those others, the Ten Commandments.  It’s called “The Sabbath.”  He says the day of rest, the Sabbath.  Jesus said, “Man wasn’t made for the Sabbath, the Sabbath was made for man” ‑‑for man’s benefit.  So, if you’re not taking a day off every week, you’re breaking one of the Ten Commandments. 

Matt. 11:19 (Ph), “Jesus came enjoying life . . . .”  Pay attention to that word “enjoying.”  Did you know that verse was there?  “Jesus came enjoying life.”  Jesus enjoyed life so much that the Pharisees called Him a party animal.  They did.  They said this guy’s a glutton.  He’s a drunk, He’s always hanging out at parties.  He’s always at either a wedding feast, or banquets, or parties.  I mean, He liked to be with people.  He had fun, He enjoyed life.  He was a party animal according to the Pharisees.  They said how can He be spiritual and be having fun at the same time?  Because Jesus came enjoying life. 

Question:  Do you want to be Christ-like?  Then you’ve got to learn how to enjoy life.  Because life was not meant to be just endured, it was meant to be enjoyed.  Now, sometimes we just don’t get the message.  We’re so busy making a living, we forget to make a life. 

Would you agree that stress is increasing in our society?  Yeah, without a doubt.  So, you must take intentional steps to counteract it if you’re going to survive.  The single greatest source of stress in your life is this, listen:  it’s when you refuse to allow Jesus Christ to be a part of every detail of your life.  Any area of your life that you do not submit to Jesus Christ and ask Him to help you on, becomes a source of stress.  You were not meant to live apart from Christ.  You were meant to live in fellowship, in connection, and to have every area of your life under His domain.  If you’re stressed out this morning, there is an incredible, fantastic promise in the Bible.  And, if you’re stressed out, I have an offer that you can’t refuse.  It is an incredible offer that Jesus made 2,000 years ago that still stands today when you’re stressed out.  It’s the last verse on your outline.  Matt 11:28‑30, Jesus says this to anybody who’s fatigued, who feels like a failure, who’s frustrated, who’s full of fear, He says this, “Come to me, all of you who are tired and have heavy loads, and I will give you (a lot more to do ‑‑ that’s not what it says, does it?  And I will give you rules and regulations that you can’t possibly keep.  That’s not what it says, does it.  It says, “Come to me, all of you who are tired and heavy loaded, and I will give you, what) REST . . . learn from me . . . and you will find rest for your lives.  The teaching that I ask you to accept is easy; the load I give you to carry is light.”  That means if you’re carrying a heavy load, it’s not a load God put on you, you put it on yourself or you allowed it to be put on you.  He says the load I give you, the plan I have for your life is light, it’s bearable, you can manage it.  I invite you to accept Christ’s’ offer today.  So, let’s talk to him about our stress, okay.  Bow with me. 

Dear Jesus, you know every heart in this room and you know every hurt in this room, and you know where the healing needs to come from.  You know the stress that each individual feels, the private pain, the hidden wounds, the hurt and the sorrows.  You sense the grief, you sense the pressure, you sense the stress and you care.  Thank you Jesus.  Thank you that you are personally acquainted with everything in my life and you’re here to help and you care.  I accept your offer today and I come to you.

Now, why don’t you pray to Jesus.  Why don’t you say:

Jesus, me too.  I accept your offer and I want to come to you today and put every area of my life in your control, especially those areas that are causing stress and pressure.  You have promised to give me a lighter burden, I ask you to fulfill that promise.  Help me to follow these steps that you modeled when you were here on earth.  To practice the principles that you used to reduce stress in your life, but, most of all, help me to depend on you for the power to do it.  In your name I pray.  Amen.

 

8-7-11 Sermon

There was no recording this week.

THE TRUTH ABOUT CHANGE

Exploding The Myths That Make Us Miserable - Part 4 of 6

08-07-11 Sermon

MYTH:  “I should be able to change overnight.”

I.            THE PROCESS GOD USES TO CHANGE US?

1.______ Phase 1:  ______

“My heart is troubled and restless.”  Job 30:27 (LB)

“like an eagle that stirs up its nest . . . .”  Deut. 32:11

            How you feel: 

2.______ Phase 2:  ______ .

“God sometimes uses sorrow in our lives to help us turn away from sin . . . .”  2 Cor 7:10 (LB)

            How you feel:

3.______ Phase 3:  ______ .

“We choose the sounds we want to listen to; we choose the taste we want in food, and we should choose to follow what is right.”

            How you feel:

4.______ Phase 4:  ______ .

“. . . be changed within by a new way of thinking . . . .”  Rom. 12:2 (NCV)

“. . . the truth will set you free.”  John 8:32 (LB)

            How you feel:

5.______ Phase 5:  ______ .

“Faith, if it is not accompanied by ACTION, is dead.”  James 2:17

            How you feel:

6.______ Phase 6:  ______ .

            How you feel:

II.            HOW TO COOPERATE WITH GOD’S PROCESS

Phase 1:  Be Alert ______

“For God does speak ‑‑ now one way, now another ‑‑ though man may not perceive it.  In a dream . . . as they slumber . . . (or) he may speak in their ears . . . with warnings . . . Or a man may be chastened on a bed of pain with constant distress . . . .”  Job 33:13‑19 (NIV)

Phase 2:  Accept ______

“God will encourage the fainthearted, those tempted to despair.”  Isa. 42:3

“You (God) have listened to my troubles and have seen the crisis in my soul.”  Ps. 31:7 (LB)

“When I had lost all hope, I turned my thoughts once more to the Lord.”  Jonah 2:7 (LB)

Phase 3:  Ask God ______

“When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you.  When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown!  When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up . . . .”  Isa. 43:2

Phase 4:  Apply ______

“The whole Bible . . . is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives; it straightens us out and helps us do what is right.”  2 Tim 3:16 (LB)

“Do not merely listen to the Word, and so deceive yourselves.  Do what it says.  James 1:22 (NIV)

Phase 5:  Anticipate______

“Commit everything you do to the Lord.  Trust him to help you do it, and he will.”  Ps. 37:5 (LB)

Phase 6:  Adhere ______

“Let us not get tired of doing what is right, for after a while we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t get discouraged and give up.”  Gal. 6:9 (LB)

“Be confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”  Phil. 1:6 (NIV)

THE TRUTH ABOUT CHANGE

Exploding The Myths That Make Us Miserable - Part 4 of 6

08-07-11 Sermon

Have you noticed that here in America we expect everything instantly.  We have instant fast food, we have same day mail, we have email, twitter and satellite phones; we expect everything quickly.  We want instant success, we want instant wealth, we want instant beauty.  We sit in front of a television, we change channels just surfing-- click, click, click.  And, we think that because we can change channels that quickly, that we ought to be able to change our lives overnight.  And this is a myth that causes a lot of misery in your life.  It’s a myth that’s promoted by all kinds of advertisers, “Buy this product,” “Eat these vitamins,” “Use this exercise equipment,” “Read this book,” “It’s in this seminar,” “Listen to this tape and you’ll be changed instantly,” “Guaranteed, overnight change.”  The truth is change is difficult, change is slow, change in your life takes time, and change is a process.  Now, today I want to share with you the process that God uses to change you.  If you get this it can save you hours of counseling so you ought to pay me the fee you were going to pay the psychiatrist!  When you understand the process God uses, then you can cooperate with it.  So, today I want to explain the process to you. 

Now, if you’ll study Scripture, you’ll find that there are six phases that God took people through in the Bible and He takes you through them in your life, you just haven’t recognized it.  Look at the first one:

1.         Phase I:  Concern.  Now, what happens in this phase is you begin to be bothered by something in your life.  You recognize that something isn’t right.  You begin to get a little worried, a little anxious; something seems out of balance in your life and you don’t know what it is, or, maybe you do know what it is and you say, “I just don’t feel right.”  Maybe you feel like Job.  Job 30:27 (LB), “My heart is troubled and restless.”  And the focus of your concern can be anything.  It can be a habit that’s bad, it could be a relationship that’s frustrating, it could be an unfulfilled dream, it could be that something is just out of whack, a stress point in your life, but you just begin to be concerned about something in your life, “This just isn’t right,” “One of these days, I’m going to have to start working on that.”  

The word that best describes this phase is you feel uncomfortable.  And the fact is, that discomfort that you feel is from God.  That restlessness that you feel is from God.  The Bible says in Deut. 32:11 that God is, “like an eagle that stirs up its nest . . . .”  You know how a mother eagle, as the eaglets get older, she wants to get them out of the nest so she begins to poke through the straw and tear the nest apart, forcing the eaglets to fly.  So, if you feel a little restless, if you feel a little uncomfortable, if you feel a little troubled by something in your life, something just isn’t right, congratulations ‑‑ God is stirring up your nest and He’s getting you ready for the process of change.  You say, “I just don’t feel right,” “Things just don’t seem to be clicking” ‑‑ God is getting you ready for change.  Now, the sad part is most people don’t get past this phase.  They live their entire lives with unresolved pain; they put up with discomfort.  They know something’s out of whack but they’re too afraid to change, they’re too afraid to do anything about it so they just sit back and live with discomfort.  Why do we do that?  Because we’re afraid.  We’re afraid of change.  At least the discomfort is predictable.  At least it’s dependable; it’s a stable misery, it’s a stable discomfort.  And, if  I change, I don’t know what’s going to happen.  So, most people never get out of this phase.  Why do we hang on to our hang-ups?  Because of this very reason.  So, God has to bring in phase 2. 

2.         Phase 2:  Crisis.  We talked a little bit about this last time.  But, something happens that moves that issue off the back burner and all of a sudden the pain or discomfort gets so bad that you can’t ignore it anymore.  And that thing you’ve been concerned about in your marriage, or in your life, all of a sudden it’s so painful you just can’t ignore it anymore.  Maybe you get fired, maybe you have an accident, maybe you have an illness, maybe your spouse threatens to walk out, maybe the creditors start threatening you; the bottom falls out.  But, the issue begins to scream at you:  I’M A PROBLEM, DO SOMETHING and the crisis occurs.  Sometimes it happens when a spouse walks in and says, “Look, enough is enough.  We can’t go on like this.  I refuse to live this way anymore.  I’m not going to live this way the rest of my life.”  Sometimes a minor issue can cause a crisis, it can cause the apple cart to get tipped over.  Sometimes it’s the straw that breaks the camel’s back ‑‑ it’s not a big deal but it’s something that has been building up and the concern turns into a crisis. 

Now the word that best describes this second phase is:  You feel Intense Pain.  You want a good example of it go see Psalm 38 ‑‑ David is definitely in the crisis phase and he’s saying, “I’m miserable, life stinks.”  He says, “I’m in despair, I’m exhausted, I’m crushed.”  2 Cor 7:10 (LB), “God sometimes uses sorrow in our lives to help us turn away from sin . . . .”  Has God ever had to do that in your life?  Last week we looked at that verse that said “Sometimes it takes a painful situation to make us change,” and God brings a crisis in our lives.  You know it’s sad but with some people the only time, that God gets their attention is in crisis.  They’re “foxhole Christians” ‑‑ you know, when things are bad they say: “Okay God, what do you want,” and then they ignore Him any other time.  When you get the stage two crisis, along comes phase three which is:

3.         Phase 3:  Choice.  This is the turning point because you have to make up your mind.  Am I going to move ahead or am I going to retreat?  And, in the phase three of God’s process of changing you, you have to decide am I going to retreat from the problem or am I going to face the problem?  Am I going to rationalize it or am I going to deal with it?  Am I going to take responsibility or am I going to continue to blame other people?  Am I going to wake up to reality or am I just going to live in denial?  Am I going to begin the task of changing or am I going to slide back into defeat?  Now, it’s your choice.  We talked about this before that one of the greatest gifts that God has given you is the ability to choose.  Notice this verse.  Job 34:3‑4 (LB) says, “We choose the sounds we want to listen to; we choose the taste we want in food, and we should choose to follow what is right.”  This is the decision phase.  At this moment of decision, you can’t procrastinate anymore.  The problem has gotten so big in your marriage, in your life, with a friend, at work, where ever it is, the problem has gotten so big that you either have to face the pain or you’ve got to flee from it.  Now, the world will give you lots of ways to flee from it.  You can take drugs, you can get drunk, you can have an affair, you can drown yourself in television, you could sleep too much, you can fall into depression.  There are lots of ways to hide, to back out, but it’s your choice.  Face it or flee from it.  So, at this phase, you make the decision.  Say, “I’m going to change, I’m going to do something about this problem, I’m going to make an effort.”  Now, how do you feel at this phase?  Real easy, one word scared ‑‑ you feel scared because you really don’t know what’s going to happen.  When change occurs, you don’t know how it’s going to end up.  And so, when you make the decision, I’m going to change, I’m going to work on this relationship, I’m going to work on this habit, you don’t know.  “I’m so used to being this way, what if I change and I don’t like the way I change?”  And so, its scary. 

Now, let me warn you, don’t be surprised if at phase three, the pain worsens.  It’s going to get worse at this phase so don’t be surprised.  How many of you have ever gone on a diet?  The worst days of a diet are when?  The first days, right.  I mean, your stomach’s growling, you’re in pain, you’re in agony, anything for some chocolate, you know it’s terrible.  The first days of a diet are the most painful.  When you start an exercise program, when’s the most pain?  The first days of the exercise program.  I mean, you’re sore, you can’t walk after you’ve done it.  The first days of marriage counseling are always the most painful.  And so, when you make the choice to begin to work on an area of your life, I’m just warning you up front, the pain will get worse before it gets less.  It will happen because you’re facing some new things.  And this is the phase where you’re most tempted to give up and say Forget it, I’m not going to change.  I can’t change.  It’s kind of like ‑‑ those of you who are parents of young kids, you know, when you need to clean out a diaper pail and you lift it up and you go “Wow,” and you throw the lid back on real quick.  I mean, the stench is so bad you just want to say, “Let’s forget about it.  Let’s don’t deal with this.”  That’s what happens at this stage because when you start shining the light on an area of your life that has a problem, at first it’s going to look ugly, and it’s going to smell nasty, and you’re not going to want to deal with it.  That’s why you haven’t dealt with it up to this point, and you want to throw the lid back on, but you’ve got to move on to phase four. 

4.         Phase 4:  Comprehension.  Phase four is involves gaining a new understanding of your problem.  This is the phase of insight.  Rom. 12:2 (NCV), “. . . be changed within by a new way of thinking . . . .”  This is the stage of insight.  The truth here, notice it says, “be changed by a new way of thinking” ‑‑ the truth is you cannot change without changing the way you think.  You can’t do it.  You can change your behavior for a little while but it won’t last.  For lasting change, you must change the way you think.  So, at this stage you begin to change your perspective ‑‑ the way you see the problem, the way you see yourself, the way you see the other person.  You change your perspective about God and you begin to look at the situation in a whole new way; you begin to see things more clearly.  What happens is you actually begin to understand what the real problem is and you begin to understand what it’s going to take to change. 

Now, it’s very important at this stage to seek God.  John 8:32 (LB) says, “. . . the truth will set you free.”  Now, where do you get the truth?  You get it from God.  God has the truth about your problem, you don’t.  In fact, your problem is not really your problem, your problem is the way you look at it.  And, the Bible says in Jeremiah 17, “The heart is deceitful.”  That means you have an incredible capacity to lie to yourself ‑‑ you do it all of the time, I do too.  You have an incredible capacity to fool yourself into thinking that they’re the problem; that the problem is out there.  The Bible says the heart is deceitful.  And so, when you look at a problem from your perspective, you don’t see it from the true perspective.  Now, if somebody else is involved, they don’t see it from the true perspective either.  But, God does because God sees the whole picture.  So, when you’re learning to see the situation from a new way, you need to get it from God because He can see the whole thing.  He sees the truth, He sees the whole picture.  He just doesn’t see your perspective, He just doesn’t see their perspective, He sees it all.  And, you need the truth. 

So, how do you feel at stage four?  When you begin to get all of these insights you feel cautiously hopeful.  Because, once you begin to learn the truth, the truth begins to set you free.  And, you start saying, “Well, maybe I can change after all,” “Now that I understand what’s going on, maybe I can change.”  And you start to get a little hope ‑‑ you’re cautious, but you’ve got hope there because you’ve been enlightened by the truth.  All of a sudden you start seeing how things connect, how they fit.  You start going “Aha, that’s it.  That’s what’s going on in my life.  That’s what the problem has been.  That’s what’s been happening.”  God is helping increase your understanding.  Have you ever wondered why in the Old Testament, or even in the New, God often gave people new names?  He changed Abram’s name to Abraham.  He changed Saul’s name to Paul.  He changed Peter’s name from Littlerock to Solidrock.  He changed Jacob’s name to Israel.  Now, why did He do that?  Because He’s doing a phase four on them.  He’s giving them a new identity.  He’s helping them see themselves in a new light.  He’s helping them get a bigger perspective.  He’s helping them see the truth about themselves.  He’s giving them deeper understanding.  And that’s what this phase is all about. 

Now, I need to warn you of two things about this stage when God’s working in your life.  You start learning things.  Number one:  The truth does set you free but first it makes you miserable.  And, it will so just count on it.  It does set you free but it will make you miserable first because sometimes the truth is ugly.  Isn’t that true?  Sometimes the truth is painful.  Isn’t that true?  Sometimes it’s scary.  Sometimes the truth is unflattering about you.  And so, it will set you free but when you begin to learn these insights, initially, it may make you miserable first.  The second thing I need to warn you about in this phase is: That knowing the truth and doing the truth are two different things.  And, many people make the mistake, “Now that I know what’s wrong with me, I’m cured,” “Now that I know what  the problem is in my relationship, or in my personal life, I’m recovered, I’m healed, I’m finished, I’m well, I’ve changed.”  We do this all of the time as Americans.  We go to seminars, come home, put the binder on the shelf and say, “Well, I’ve got that under my belt.”  Or, we listen to some motivational tape and then put it on the shelf and say, “Now I’m changed.”  Yeah, like nothing you’ve changed.  There’s a big difference between knowing the truth and doing the truth and when you begin to get new insights about yourself, there is a false sense of satisfaction that says, Because I know it, I’ve done it.  This happens to you every Sunday if you don’t watch out.  Because, you walk out of here going, “Well now I understand pain,” like last week.  Or, this week, “Now I understand change, wow I’ve changed.”  No, you haven’t.  You must become a doer of the truth.  A lot of people get stuck in this phase; they know what to do but they don’t do it.  So, you have to move on to phase five and that is:

5.         Phase 5:  Conduct ‑‑ changing or correcting your conduct.  And this is where you begin acting on what you know.  You become a doer of the truth.  Look at James 2:17, let’s read it together,  “Faith, if it is not accompanied by ACTION, is dead.”  It’s saying there the issue is going to be:  Will I apply what I know now?  Do you know what the Bible calls this?  This is called “repentance.”  Repentance means acting on what’s right.  See, a lot of people think repentance means feeling sorry for something you’ve done wrong.  Question:  Can you feel sorry for something that you know you’ve done wrong and still not change?  Oh sure.  That’s not repentance ‑‑ I mean it’s far easier to cry than it is to change.  Repentance is not just feeling bad about what you’ve done wrong, it’s changing your lifestyle; changing your behavior.  You see, in the last phase you were working on your thoughts and, in this phase, you’re working on your behavior.  The fact is everybody in this room today knows far more than they’re doing.  We always know more than we’re doing.  I mean, the Pharisees knew what to do, they were great Bible scholars; they just didn’t apply it. 

At this phase, when you start trying to make changes in the way you act, what you’re likely to feel is frustrated.  If you felt frustrated this last week about an area you’re trying to change, Congratulations.  That is a good sign if you’re frustrated.  It means you’re making progress because frustration means you’re not where you used to be but you’re not yet where you want to be, so you’re somewhere in between and you’re frustrated.  That’s a good sign.  It means you’re not stuck back there and just being comfortable with a discomfort.  It means you’ve moved somehow toward maturity.  Frustration’s a good sign.  It means you’re making some progress.  Why do we get frustrated?  Because, anytime you try to do some new behavior, it feels awkward, it feels strange.  I mean, let’s say you’ve never had a quiet time and you start trying to spend time with God every morning ‑‑ that’s going to be frustrating for you because it’s something new.  Now, God has not said that change is easy, it’s not.  But, if you’re serious about change, you’ll do the right thing even when it feels awkward, or odd, or unusual, or if it just doesn’t feel like me; your image has to catch up with your behavior. 

Finally, you come to phase six. 

6.         Phase 6:  Commitment To Continue.  Because your character is never going to be completed as long as you live on this earth there will always be more to work on.  There will always be something else to do.  You’ll never be finished with changing and you’ll need to maintain what you’ve already achieved.  You can write this verse down.  Eph. 4:23 (LB) says, “. . . your attitudes and thoughts must be constantly changing.”  In other words, they don’t stop, they’re constantly changing for the better.  The goal is to be Christ-like.  It means you’re just growing.  You see, one of the other myths about change is this ‑‑ there’s a myth out there that says, One day I’m going to reach this point in my life ‑‑ kind of an emotional nirvana ‑‑ where I will no longer feel any pain about anything.  You’re never going to get there folks.  This is not Heaven, this is earth.  And so, you’re never going to reach that point where you never feel any pain about anything anymore.  It’s just not true.  I mean, how many of you have had an issue in your life that you’ve worked on and one day you say “I’m glad I’m done with that.”  Not on your life are you done with that.  Because, what’s going to happen is that a little bit later God’s going to bring it up again in your life and He’s going to say, “Now I’m going to take you a little deeper.  Now I want you to learn something more about yourself, about me, about life.  And, so, let’s just go back there.”  Now, you don’t start over, you don’t go back to where you first started, you start at where you left off.  Does that make sense?  And so, God’s going to keep coming back and growing you and developing you.  And so, at this stage what you’re likely to feel is discouragement.  In fact, at every phase you’ll feel tempted to bail out and say it’s too hard, it’s too difficult.  That’s why you have to commit to the continuing process of change. 

It takes more than desire to change, it takes discipline, it takes commitment.  There are very few people in this world willing to make that commitment.  People who are willing to make a commitment for lifelong learning, lifelong change, lifelong growth, are very rare.  Most people will not make a commitment for the long haul.  It’s far easier to bail out than it is to hang in on a problem.  Now, listen, if you marry, the number one tool that God will use in your life to help you grow is your spouse.  Did you hear that?  Don’t punch him in the elbow right now.  Spouses are heavenly sandpaper.  They spend more time with you, they know you better, you can’t put them on, they know what you’re like when you don’t feel good, they know you when you’re not living your image.  And so, God wants to use that. 

ii. how to cooperate with god’s process

Let me give you what you should do in each of these six phases:

1.         Phase 1:  Be Alert To God’s Voice.  As you face the future, you don’t really know what it’s going to happen but you’ve got to just stay tuned into God and realize that the restlessness and the troubles that you sometimes feel is God trying to get your attention and get you ready for change.  Job 33:13‑19 (NIV) says, “For God does speak ‑‑ now one way, now another ‑‑ though man may not perceive it.  In a dream . . . as they slumber . . . (or) he may speak in their ears . . . with warnings . . . Or a man may be chastened on a bed of pain with constant distress . . . .”  He’s saying here that God talks to us in many different ways, we just often don’t realize it.  We need to be alert to God’s voice. 

2.         Phase 2:  Accept God’s Comfort when the crisis comes.  Don’t run from Him, but run to Him.  Look at these verses.  Isa. 42:3, “God will encourage the fainthearted, those tempted to despair.”  Ps. 31:7 (LB), “You (God) have listened to my troubles and have seen the crisis in my soul.”  You know the pain you’re feeling right now, God has been paying attention to it.  He sees the crisis in your soul.  And so, when the crisis comes in your life, you should do as Jonah does.  Jonah 2:7 (LB), “When I had lost all hope, I turned my thoughts once more to the Lord.” 

3.         Phase 3:  Ask God For Courage when you’re facing unknown changes.  Isaiah tells us, Isa. 43:2, “When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I (God) will be with you.  When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown!  When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up . . . .”  Now, where is Jesus Christ in each of these phases of change?  He’s with you at every one of them.  He’s at every stage.  And, when God is walking through these six phases of change with you, you don’t have to be afraid.  You can have courage because He’s comforting you all along.  God will be with you.  You can’t predict where the change is going to take you but you can be sure of this:  God will be with you. 

4.         Phase 4:  Apply God’s Word.  That’s in that comprehension phase ‑‑ learning what the real truth is about the problem.  Remember it’s the truth that frees you and the more you apply truth in your life, the freer you’ll be.  The Bible says, 2 Tim 3:16 (LB), “The whole Bible . . . is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives; it straightens us out and helps us do what is right.”  Then James 1:22 (NIV) tells us, “Do not merely listen to the Word, and so deceive yourselves.  Do what it says.”   It’s saying here that information without application is deception.  You may take tremendous notes every Sunday and you can put them in a binder but, if you don’t do anything about it, you’re just deceiving yourself and you’re not really changing.  You think you’re growing but you’re not.  You’ve got to act on what you know.  You apply God’s word. 

5.         Phase 5:  Anticipate God’s Help.  The Bible says, Ps. 37:5 (LB), “Commit everything you do to the Lord.  Trust him to help you do it, and he will.”  Trust Him to help you do it.  You see, change is not a matter of willpower, it’s a matter of Godpower.  He’ll help you. 

6.         Phase 6:  Adhere To God’s Plan.  You know what adhere means?  It means to stick to something.  Stick to it, stay with it, don’t quit, don’t give up.  The Bible says, “If you continue in my Word, then you’ll know the truth and the truth will set you free.”  You’ve got to stay with it. 

Some of you may be at the quitting point today and you’re ready to give up on a dream, or on your health, on trying to change a habit that you know needs to be changed, or solve a problem that you know needs to be solved, and you’re ready to quit.  And, God has one word for you today and He brought you here just to hear this.  And, God’s word for you is this:  Don’t.  Don’t.  Anybody can quit.  Anybody can bail out.  He says “Don’t.  Don’t do it.” 

There are two promises I want to close with today.  Gal. 6:9 and Phil. 1:6.  Gal. 6:9 (LB) says, “Let us not get tired of doing what is right, for after a while we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t get discouraged and give up.”  If you quit, if you bail out, you will miss God’s best.  You don’t quit, you stick with it.  Phil 1:6 (NIV), let’s read this verse together, “Be confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”  God, who starts something in your life, is going to finish it. 

There’s one other thing you need if you’re going to change, you need support.  You need people around you to encourage you.  Become part of a bible study.  Become part of the new intercessory prayer group.  You need people around you to encourage you. 

Let’s bow our heads for prayer:

Lord, I want to thank you that you are patient with us.  Father, thank you that you never give up on us.  Thank you that you take us through these stages, even when we don’t understand it and even when we don’t realize it, you’re making us more and more like you.  And Father, if there are people here today who don’t know your Son, Jesus, would you help them to see that this is their day and help them to turn to Jesus who can give them the power to change that they don’t have on their own. 

Now it’s your turn to pray.  Why don’t you say:

Jesus, I want to become what you want me to be.  And help me to take these steps and follow you.  I cannot do this on my own but I need your power to make me the person you want me to be.  For today I give my life completely to you.  Amen.