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THE TRUTH ABOUT CHANGE
Exploding The Myths That Make Us Miserable - Part 4 of 6
08-07-11 Sermon
MYTH: “I should be able to change overnight.”
I. THE PROCESS GOD USES TO CHANGE US?
1.______ Phase 1: ______
“My heart is troubled and restless.” Job 30:27 (LB)
“like an eagle that stirs up its nest . . . .” Deut. 32:11
How you feel:
2.______ Phase 2: ______ .
“God sometimes uses sorrow in our lives to help us turn away from sin . . . .” 2 Cor 7:10 (LB)
How you feel:
3.______ Phase 3: ______ .
“We choose the sounds we want to listen to; we choose the taste we want in food, and we should choose to follow what is right.”
How you feel:
4.______ Phase 4: ______ .
“. . . be changed within by a new way of thinking . . . .” Rom. 12:2 (NCV)
“. . . the truth will set you free.” John 8:32 (LB)
How you feel:
5.______ Phase 5: ______ .
“Faith, if it is not accompanied by ACTION, is dead.” James 2:17
How you feel:
6.______ Phase 6: ______ .
How you feel:
II. HOW TO COOPERATE WITH GOD’S PROCESS
Phase 1: Be Alert ______
“For God does speak ‑‑ now one way, now another ‑‑ though man may not perceive it. In a dream . . . as they slumber . . . (or) he may speak in their ears . . . with warnings . . . Or a man may be chastened on a bed of pain with constant distress . . . .” Job 33:13‑19 (NIV)
Phase 2: Accept ______
“God will encourage the fainthearted, those tempted to despair.” Isa. 42:3
“You (God) have listened to my troubles and have seen the crisis in my soul.” Ps. 31:7 (LB)
“When I had lost all hope, I turned my thoughts once more to the Lord.” Jonah 2:7 (LB)
Phase 3: Ask God ______
“When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown! When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up . . . .” Isa. 43:2
Phase 4: Apply ______
“The whole Bible . . . is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives; it straightens us out and helps us do what is right.” 2 Tim 3:16 (LB)
“Do not merely listen to the Word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. James 1:22 (NIV)
Phase 5: Anticipate______
“Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him to help you do it, and he will.” Ps. 37:5 (LB)
Phase 6: Adhere ______
“Let us not get tired of doing what is right, for after a while we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t get discouraged and give up.” Gal. 6:9 (LB)
“Be confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Phil. 1:6 (NIV)
THE TRUTH ABOUT CHANGE
Exploding The Myths That Make Us Miserable - Part 4 of 6
08-07-11 Sermon
Have you noticed that here in America we expect everything instantly. We have instant fast food, we have same day mail, we have email, twitter and satellite phones; we expect everything quickly. We want instant success, we want instant wealth, we want instant beauty. We sit in front of a television, we change channels just surfing-- click, click, click. And, we think that because we can change channels that quickly, that we ought to be able to change our lives overnight. And this is a myth that causes a lot of misery in your life. It’s a myth that’s promoted by all kinds of advertisers, “Buy this product,” “Eat these vitamins,” “Use this exercise equipment,” “Read this book,” “It’s in this seminar,” “Listen to this tape and you’ll be changed instantly,” “Guaranteed, overnight change.” The truth is change is difficult, change is slow, change in your life takes time, and change is a process. Now, today I want to share with you the process that God uses to change you. If you get this it can save you hours of counseling so you ought to pay me the fee you were going to pay the psychiatrist! When you understand the process God uses, then you can cooperate with it. So, today I want to explain the process to you.
Now, if you’ll study Scripture, you’ll find that there are six phases that God took people through in the Bible and He takes you through them in your life, you just haven’t recognized it. Look at the first one:
1. Phase I: Concern. Now, what happens in this phase is you begin to be bothered by something in your life. You recognize that something isn’t right. You begin to get a little worried, a little anxious; something seems out of balance in your life and you don’t know what it is, or, maybe you do know what it is and you say, “I just don’t feel right.” Maybe you feel like Job. Job 30:27 (LB), “My heart is troubled and restless.” And the focus of your concern can be anything. It can be a habit that’s bad, it could be a relationship that’s frustrating, it could be an unfulfilled dream, it could be that something is just out of whack, a stress point in your life, but you just begin to be concerned about something in your life, “This just isn’t right,” “One of these days, I’m going to have to start working on that.”
The word that best describes this phase is you feel uncomfortable. And the fact is, that discomfort that you feel is from God. That restlessness that you feel is from God. The Bible says in Deut. 32:11 that God is, “like an eagle that stirs up its nest . . . .” You know how a mother eagle, as the eaglets get older, she wants to get them out of the nest so she begins to poke through the straw and tear the nest apart, forcing the eaglets to fly. So, if you feel a little restless, if you feel a little uncomfortable, if you feel a little troubled by something in your life, something just isn’t right, congratulations ‑‑ God is stirring up your nest and He’s getting you ready for the process of change. You say, “I just don’t feel right,” “Things just don’t seem to be clicking” ‑‑ God is getting you ready for change. Now, the sad part is most people don’t get past this phase. They live their entire lives with unresolved pain; they put up with discomfort. They know something’s out of whack but they’re too afraid to change, they’re too afraid to do anything about it so they just sit back and live with discomfort. Why do we do that? Because we’re afraid. We’re afraid of change. At least the discomfort is predictable. At least it’s dependable; it’s a stable misery, it’s a stable discomfort. And, if I change, I don’t know what’s going to happen. So, most people never get out of this phase. Why do we hang on to our hang-ups? Because of this very reason. So, God has to bring in phase 2.
2. Phase 2: Crisis. We talked a little bit about this last time. But, something happens that moves that issue off the back burner and all of a sudden the pain or discomfort gets so bad that you can’t ignore it anymore. And that thing you’ve been concerned about in your marriage, or in your life, all of a sudden it’s so painful you just can’t ignore it anymore. Maybe you get fired, maybe you have an accident, maybe you have an illness, maybe your spouse threatens to walk out, maybe the creditors start threatening you; the bottom falls out. But, the issue begins to scream at you: I’M A PROBLEM, DO SOMETHING and the crisis occurs. Sometimes it happens when a spouse walks in and says, “Look, enough is enough. We can’t go on like this. I refuse to live this way anymore. I’m not going to live this way the rest of my life.” Sometimes a minor issue can cause a crisis, it can cause the apple cart to get tipped over. Sometimes it’s the straw that breaks the camel’s back ‑‑ it’s not a big deal but it’s something that has been building up and the concern turns into a crisis.
Now the word that best describes this second phase is: You feel Intense Pain. You want a good example of it go see Psalm 38 ‑‑ David is definitely in the crisis phase and he’s saying, “I’m miserable, life stinks.” He says, “I’m in despair, I’m exhausted, I’m crushed.” 2 Cor 7:10 (LB), “God sometimes uses sorrow in our lives to help us turn away from sin . . . .” Has God ever had to do that in your life? Last week we looked at that verse that said “Sometimes it takes a painful situation to make us change,” and God brings a crisis in our lives. You know it’s sad but with some people the only time, that God gets their attention is in crisis. They’re “foxhole Christians” ‑‑ you know, when things are bad they say: “Okay God, what do you want,” and then they ignore Him any other time. When you get the stage two crisis, along comes phase three which is:
3. Phase 3: Choice. This is the turning point because you have to make up your mind. Am I going to move ahead or am I going to retreat? And, in the phase three of God’s process of changing you, you have to decide am I going to retreat from the problem or am I going to face the problem? Am I going to rationalize it or am I going to deal with it? Am I going to take responsibility or am I going to continue to blame other people? Am I going to wake up to reality or am I just going to live in denial? Am I going to begin the task of changing or am I going to slide back into defeat? Now, it’s your choice. We talked about this before that one of the greatest gifts that God has given you is the ability to choose. Notice this verse. Job 34:3‑4 (LB) says, “We choose the sounds we want to listen to; we choose the taste we want in food, and we should choose to follow what is right.” This is the decision phase. At this moment of decision, you can’t procrastinate anymore. The problem has gotten so big in your marriage, in your life, with a friend, at work, where ever it is, the problem has gotten so big that you either have to face the pain or you’ve got to flee from it. Now, the world will give you lots of ways to flee from it. You can take drugs, you can get drunk, you can have an affair, you can drown yourself in television, you could sleep too much, you can fall into depression. There are lots of ways to hide, to back out, but it’s your choice. Face it or flee from it. So, at this phase, you make the decision. Say, “I’m going to change, I’m going to do something about this problem, I’m going to make an effort.” Now, how do you feel at this phase? Real easy, one word scared ‑‑ you feel scared because you really don’t know what’s going to happen. When change occurs, you don’t know how it’s going to end up. And so, when you make the decision, I’m going to change, I’m going to work on this relationship, I’m going to work on this habit, you don’t know. “I’m so used to being this way, what if I change and I don’t like the way I change?” And so, its scary.
Now, let me warn you, don’t be surprised if at phase three, the pain worsens. It’s going to get worse at this phase so don’t be surprised. How many of you have ever gone on a diet? The worst days of a diet are when? The first days, right. I mean, your stomach’s growling, you’re in pain, you’re in agony, anything for some chocolate, you know it’s terrible. The first days of a diet are the most painful. When you start an exercise program, when’s the most pain? The first days of the exercise program. I mean, you’re sore, you can’t walk after you’ve done it. The first days of marriage counseling are always the most painful. And so, when you make the choice to begin to work on an area of your life, I’m just warning you up front, the pain will get worse before it gets less. It will happen because you’re facing some new things. And this is the phase where you’re most tempted to give up and say Forget it, I’m not going to change. I can’t change. It’s kind of like ‑‑ those of you who are parents of young kids, you know, when you need to clean out a diaper pail and you lift it up and you go “Wow,” and you throw the lid back on real quick. I mean, the stench is so bad you just want to say, “Let’s forget about it. Let’s don’t deal with this.” That’s what happens at this stage because when you start shining the light on an area of your life that has a problem, at first it’s going to look ugly, and it’s going to smell nasty, and you’re not going to want to deal with it. That’s why you haven’t dealt with it up to this point, and you want to throw the lid back on, but you’ve got to move on to phase four.
4. Phase 4: Comprehension. Phase four is involves gaining a new understanding of your problem. This is the phase of insight. Rom. 12:2 (NCV), “. . . be changed within by a new way of thinking . . . .” This is the stage of insight. The truth here, notice it says, “be changed by a new way of thinking” ‑‑ the truth is you cannot change without changing the way you think. You can’t do it. You can change your behavior for a little while but it won’t last. For lasting change, you must change the way you think. So, at this stage you begin to change your perspective ‑‑ the way you see the problem, the way you see yourself, the way you see the other person. You change your perspective about God and you begin to look at the situation in a whole new way; you begin to see things more clearly. What happens is you actually begin to understand what the real problem is and you begin to understand what it’s going to take to change.
Now, it’s very important at this stage to seek God. John 8:32 (LB) says, “. . . the truth will set you free.” Now, where do you get the truth? You get it from God. God has the truth about your problem, you don’t. In fact, your problem is not really your problem, your problem is the way you look at it. And, the Bible says in Jeremiah 17, “The heart is deceitful.” That means you have an incredible capacity to lie to yourself ‑‑ you do it all of the time, I do too. You have an incredible capacity to fool yourself into thinking that they’re the problem; that the problem is out there. The Bible says the heart is deceitful. And so, when you look at a problem from your perspective, you don’t see it from the true perspective. Now, if somebody else is involved, they don’t see it from the true perspective either. But, God does because God sees the whole picture. So, when you’re learning to see the situation from a new way, you need to get it from God because He can see the whole thing. He sees the truth, He sees the whole picture. He just doesn’t see your perspective, He just doesn’t see their perspective, He sees it all. And, you need the truth.
So, how do you feel at stage four? When you begin to get all of these insights you feel cautiously hopeful. Because, once you begin to learn the truth, the truth begins to set you free. And, you start saying, “Well, maybe I can change after all,” “Now that I understand what’s going on, maybe I can change.” And you start to get a little hope ‑‑ you’re cautious, but you’ve got hope there because you’ve been enlightened by the truth. All of a sudden you start seeing how things connect, how they fit. You start going “Aha, that’s it. That’s what’s going on in my life. That’s what the problem has been. That’s what’s been happening.” God is helping increase your understanding. Have you ever wondered why in the Old Testament, or even in the New, God often gave people new names? He changed Abram’s name to Abraham. He changed Saul’s name to Paul. He changed Peter’s name from Littlerock to Solidrock. He changed Jacob’s name to Israel. Now, why did He do that? Because He’s doing a phase four on them. He’s giving them a new identity. He’s helping them see themselves in a new light. He’s helping them get a bigger perspective. He’s helping them see the truth about themselves. He’s giving them deeper understanding. And that’s what this phase is all about.
Now, I need to warn you of two things about this stage when God’s working in your life. You start learning things. Number one: The truth does set you free but first it makes you miserable. And, it will so just count on it. It does set you free but it will make you miserable first because sometimes the truth is ugly. Isn’t that true? Sometimes the truth is painful. Isn’t that true? Sometimes it’s scary. Sometimes the truth is unflattering about you. And so, it will set you free but when you begin to learn these insights, initially, it may make you miserable first. The second thing I need to warn you about in this phase is: That knowing the truth and doing the truth are two different things. And, many people make the mistake, “Now that I know what’s wrong with me, I’m cured,” “Now that I know what the problem is in my relationship, or in my personal life, I’m recovered, I’m healed, I’m finished, I’m well, I’ve changed.” We do this all of the time as Americans. We go to seminars, come home, put the binder on the shelf and say, “Well, I’ve got that under my belt.” Or, we listen to some motivational tape and then put it on the shelf and say, “Now I’m changed.” Yeah, like nothing you’ve changed. There’s a big difference between knowing the truth and doing the truth and when you begin to get new insights about yourself, there is a false sense of satisfaction that says, Because I know it, I’ve done it. This happens to you every Sunday if you don’t watch out. Because, you walk out of here going, “Well now I understand pain,” like last week. Or, this week, “Now I understand change, wow I’ve changed.” No, you haven’t. You must become a doer of the truth. A lot of people get stuck in this phase; they know what to do but they don’t do it. So, you have to move on to phase five and that is:
5. Phase 5: Conduct ‑‑ changing or correcting your conduct. And this is where you begin acting on what you know. You become a doer of the truth. Look at James 2:17, let’s read it together, “Faith, if it is not accompanied by ACTION, is dead.” It’s saying there the issue is going to be: Will I apply what I know now? Do you know what the Bible calls this? This is called “repentance.” Repentance means acting on what’s right. See, a lot of people think repentance means feeling sorry for something you’ve done wrong. Question: Can you feel sorry for something that you know you’ve done wrong and still not change? Oh sure. That’s not repentance ‑‑ I mean it’s far easier to cry than it is to change. Repentance is not just feeling bad about what you’ve done wrong, it’s changing your lifestyle; changing your behavior. You see, in the last phase you were working on your thoughts and, in this phase, you’re working on your behavior. The fact is everybody in this room today knows far more than they’re doing. We always know more than we’re doing. I mean, the Pharisees knew what to do, they were great Bible scholars; they just didn’t apply it.
At this phase, when you start trying to make changes in the way you act, what you’re likely to feel is frustrated. If you felt frustrated this last week about an area you’re trying to change, Congratulations. That is a good sign if you’re frustrated. It means you’re making progress because frustration means you’re not where you used to be but you’re not yet where you want to be, so you’re somewhere in between and you’re frustrated. That’s a good sign. It means you’re not stuck back there and just being comfortable with a discomfort. It means you’ve moved somehow toward maturity. Frustration’s a good sign. It means you’re making some progress. Why do we get frustrated? Because, anytime you try to do some new behavior, it feels awkward, it feels strange. I mean, let’s say you’ve never had a quiet time and you start trying to spend time with God every morning ‑‑ that’s going to be frustrating for you because it’s something new. Now, God has not said that change is easy, it’s not. But, if you’re serious about change, you’ll do the right thing even when it feels awkward, or odd, or unusual, or if it just doesn’t feel like me; your image has to catch up with your behavior.
Finally, you come to phase six.
6. Phase 6: Commitment To Continue. Because your character is never going to be completed as long as you live on this earth there will always be more to work on. There will always be something else to do. You’ll never be finished with changing and you’ll need to maintain what you’ve already achieved. You can write this verse down. Eph. 4:23 (LB) says, “. . . your attitudes and thoughts must be constantly changing.” In other words, they don’t stop, they’re constantly changing for the better. The goal is to be Christ-like. It means you’re just growing. You see, one of the other myths about change is this ‑‑ there’s a myth out there that says, One day I’m going to reach this point in my life ‑‑ kind of an emotional nirvana ‑‑ where I will no longer feel any pain about anything. You’re never going to get there folks. This is not Heaven, this is earth. And so, you’re never going to reach that point where you never feel any pain about anything anymore. It’s just not true. I mean, how many of you have had an issue in your life that you’ve worked on and one day you say “I’m glad I’m done with that.” Not on your life are you done with that. Because, what’s going to happen is that a little bit later God’s going to bring it up again in your life and He’s going to say, “Now I’m going to take you a little deeper. Now I want you to learn something more about yourself, about me, about life. And, so, let’s just go back there.” Now, you don’t start over, you don’t go back to where you first started, you start at where you left off. Does that make sense? And so, God’s going to keep coming back and growing you and developing you. And so, at this stage what you’re likely to feel is discouragement. In fact, at every phase you’ll feel tempted to bail out and say it’s too hard, it’s too difficult. That’s why you have to commit to the continuing process of change.
It takes more than desire to change, it takes discipline, it takes commitment. There are very few people in this world willing to make that commitment. People who are willing to make a commitment for lifelong learning, lifelong change, lifelong growth, are very rare. Most people will not make a commitment for the long haul. It’s far easier to bail out than it is to hang in on a problem. Now, listen, if you marry, the number one tool that God will use in your life to help you grow is your spouse. Did you hear that? Don’t punch him in the elbow right now. Spouses are heavenly sandpaper. They spend more time with you, they know you better, you can’t put them on, they know what you’re like when you don’t feel good, they know you when you’re not living your image. And so, God wants to use that.
ii. how to cooperate with god’s process
Let me give you what you should do in each of these six phases:
1. Phase 1: Be Alert To God’s Voice. As you face the future, you don’t really know what it’s going to happen but you’ve got to just stay tuned into God and realize that the restlessness and the troubles that you sometimes feel is God trying to get your attention and get you ready for change. Job 33:13‑19 (NIV) says, “For God does speak ‑‑ now one way, now another ‑‑ though man may not perceive it. In a dream . . . as they slumber . . . (or) he may speak in their ears . . . with warnings . . . Or a man may be chastened on a bed of pain with constant distress . . . .” He’s saying here that God talks to us in many different ways, we just often don’t realize it. We need to be alert to God’s voice.
2. Phase 2: Accept God’s Comfort when the crisis comes. Don’t run from Him, but run to Him. Look at these verses. Isa. 42:3, “God will encourage the fainthearted, those tempted to despair.” Ps. 31:7 (LB), “You (God) have listened to my troubles and have seen the crisis in my soul.” You know the pain you’re feeling right now, God has been paying attention to it. He sees the crisis in your soul. And so, when the crisis comes in your life, you should do as Jonah does. Jonah 2:7 (LB), “When I had lost all hope, I turned my thoughts once more to the Lord.”
3. Phase 3: Ask God For Courage when you’re facing unknown changes. Isaiah tells us, Isa. 43:2, “When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I (God) will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown! When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up . . . .” Now, where is Jesus Christ in each of these phases of change? He’s with you at every one of them. He’s at every stage. And, when God is walking through these six phases of change with you, you don’t have to be afraid. You can have courage because He’s comforting you all along. God will be with you. You can’t predict where the change is going to take you but you can be sure of this: God will be with you.
4. Phase 4: Apply God’s Word. That’s in that comprehension phase ‑‑ learning what the real truth is about the problem. Remember it’s the truth that frees you and the more you apply truth in your life, the freer you’ll be. The Bible says, 2 Tim 3:16 (LB), “The whole Bible . . . is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives; it straightens us out and helps us do what is right.” Then James 1:22 (NIV) tells us, “Do not merely listen to the Word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.” It’s saying here that information without application is deception. You may take tremendous notes every Sunday and you can put them in a binder but, if you don’t do anything about it, you’re just deceiving yourself and you’re not really changing. You think you’re growing but you’re not. You’ve got to act on what you know. You apply God’s word.
5. Phase 5: Anticipate God’s Help. The Bible says, Ps. 37:5 (LB), “Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him to help you do it, and he will.” Trust Him to help you do it. You see, change is not a matter of willpower, it’s a matter of Godpower. He’ll help you.
6. Phase 6: Adhere To God’s Plan. You know what adhere means? It means to stick to something. Stick to it, stay with it, don’t quit, don’t give up. The Bible says, “If you continue in my Word, then you’ll know the truth and the truth will set you free.” You’ve got to stay with it.
Some of you may be at the quitting point today and you’re ready to give up on a dream, or on your health, on trying to change a habit that you know needs to be changed, or solve a problem that you know needs to be solved, and you’re ready to quit. And, God has one word for you today and He brought you here just to hear this. And, God’s word for you is this: Don’t. Don’t. Anybody can quit. Anybody can bail out. He says “Don’t. Don’t do it.”
There are two promises I want to close with today. Gal. 6:9 and Phil. 1:6. Gal. 6:9 (LB) says, “Let us not get tired of doing what is right, for after a while we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t get discouraged and give up.” If you quit, if you bail out, you will miss God’s best. You don’t quit, you stick with it. Phil 1:6 (NIV), let’s read this verse together, “Be confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” God, who starts something in your life, is going to finish it.
There’s one other thing you need if you’re going to change, you need support. You need people around you to encourage you. Become part of a bible study. Become part of the new intercessory prayer group. You need people around you to encourage you.
Let’s bow our heads for prayer:
Lord, I want to thank you that you are patient with us. Father, thank you that you never give up on us. Thank you that you take us through these stages, even when we don’t understand it and even when we don’t realize it, you’re making us more and more like you. And Father, if there are people here today who don’t know your Son, Jesus, would you help them to see that this is their day and help them to turn to Jesus who can give them the power to change that they don’t have on their own.
Now it’s your turn to pray. Why don’t you say:
Jesus, I want to become what you want me to be. And help me to take these steps and follow you. I cannot do this on my own but I need your power to make me the person you want me to be. For today I give my life completely to you. Amen.
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