Saturday, May 19, 2012

5-13-12 Sermon

I am sorry that this sermon did not get recorded. Please see the manuscript below:

HOW TO BE UNSELFISH
Living God's Way -- Part 5
          
           
1 Peter 3            The Message (MSG)
Cultivate Inner Beauty
 1-4The same goes for you wives: Be good wives to your husbands, responsive to their needs. There are husbands who, indifferent as they are to any words about God, will be captivated by your life of holy beauty. What matters is not your outer appearance—the styling of your hair, the jewelry you wear, the cut of your clothes—but your inner disposition.
 4-6Cultivate inner beauty, the gentle, gracious kind that God delights in. The holy women of old were beautiful before God that way, and were good, loyal wives to their husbands. Sarah, for instance, taking care of Abraham, would address him as "my dear husband." You'll be true daughters of Sarah if you do the same, unanxious and unintimidated.
 7The same goes for you husbands: Be good husbands to your wives. Honor them, delight in them. As women they lack some of your advantages. But in the new life of God's grace, you're equals. Treat your wives, then, as equals so your prayers don't run aground.

We're going to take a look at relationships today and I thought a fun way to start that would be to have you think of your relationships in terms of an Olympic event.  Then I started to think that through a little bit and remembered that most events in the Winter Olympics started at the top of a hill and go downhill very rapidly.  No, that's not a good picture for relationships.

On the other hand, what if they gave gold medals for great relationships?  What would it take to get one of those?  What if for having a great relationship, a great marriage, being a great parent or a great friend you're going to stand up on one of those platforms, they'll play an anthem and you'll have a medal around your neck because you did something to make a relationship great?  They talk about a single quality for Olympic athletics as being the quality of dedication, if they're going to earn a gold medal after years and years of practice.  We're going to talk about an important single quality for relationships.

The quality that's talked about in I Peter is a quality that's called submission. 
When you hear that word is your first feeling positive or negative?  I thought I'd take a look at some of the positive meanings that are used today for that word.  But I knew I was in trouble when I began looking down the list of definitions.  I saw words like " back down, bend to another person's will; comply; cower; crawl; cringe; give in; live a dog's life."  Not one positive phrase. 

This word submission suffers from an image problem.  A word that used to have a more positive slant to it when the New Testament was written, today has taken on an almost entirely negative slant. 

But whenever you see this word in the Bible, here’s a Definition of SUBMISSION:  having the courage to give up my rights to meet another person's needs.  That attitude deserves a gold medal. 

This ability to be unselfish in our relationships is one of the main ingredients to learning to live God's way.  There are three basic ways to live life:  My way,          God's Way, Other's Way

I can live life Other's Way doing what they say and because I want to make them happy; I'm just doing it because I have to; In that case I'm subjected, down under them, controlled by them.

Or I can live life My Way doing what I want because I want to.  That means I'm up above everybody else, trying to be the best.  That’s selfish and self-centered.

In the New Testament, Peter says, neither of these are what works.  Do it God's waysubmission.

My way is being a tiger, I claw my way to the top.  Other's way is being a turtle, I hide in my shell and just let people throw things at me and slowly poke my way through life.  My way and Others' way -- neither of them work.  A lot of you may think that submission is doing it Other's way and it's not.  Not at all.  Other's way means that you're a doormat.  You let other people walk over you and whatever they want is what happens.  That doesn't work.  But neither does it work for you to become a tank and run over everybody else.  It's something in between called submission.  A word we use today is unselfishness.  Learning to be unselfish in our relationships.

Peter talks about two very basic things about unselfishness:  Why we should be unselfish, and How can we be unselfish.  Why and How.

I.  WHY SHOULD I BE UNSELFISH

For some, selfishness may be working out just fine.  "I'm getting my way and things are going OK.  Why should I be unselfish?"  For others of us we're not so sure about being unselfish, especially us being unselfish first.  Let somebody else take the first turn in this.  (That would be the unselfish thing to do, wouldn't it?) 

A mother wanted to teach her two boys something about unselfishness.  There was one piece of cake left and both boys wanted it.  Figuring that the older boy would catch on better she asked him “What do you think Jesus would do with the piece of cake?  The older boy said, “He would let the other person have it.”  Then he said to his younger brother, “I will let you be Jesus.”

Peter gives three powerful reasons for us being unselfish in our lives:

1.  Be unselfish because selfishness is the source of conflict

James writes:  "Do you know where your fights and arguments come from?  They come from the selfish desires that war within you."  It's the source of conflict in most homes.  You take the arguments, the conflicts, and boil them all down, and at the root of any of them, you'll find that someone, somewhere, somehow is being selfish.  Of course in your arguments it's always the other person being selfish, but somewhere someone is being selfish.  In order to bring a new sense of peace to your home, your relationships, this key to unselfishness can make a difference.  It can help you find some common ground in the battle ground that your home may have become. 

2.  Because unselfishness is the secret to change.  

Peter writes to wives and encourages them, "Be unselfish so that if your husbands don't believe the word they may be won over, they may be changed, without words by the behavior of their wives."  Change is important in any relationship.  It's natural, it's healthy to want to change in our relationships.  That's what growth is all about.  Even if you've got a great relationship, you should want it to change and develop.  If you're really struggling in your relationship, of course you're desperate for change to begin to happen. 

HOW do we make change happen?  How many of you have tried to push or argue somebody into making a change?  How many of you have found that that does not work?  What does work to help people to change?

Unselfishness.  It is the most powerful tool that we have at our disposal to encourage other people to grow and to change.  Jesus Christ was the most unselfish person who ever walked the face of this earth.  He gave His life unselfishly for others.  Look at how many people He's changed. 

In your own life, who's had the most impact on you when it comes to change in your life? Selfish people?  Of course not.  It's been people who have acted unselfishly towards you, people who have helped you to grow and to change.  Unselfishness is the secret to change.

Peter sort of assumes something that is important.  He assumes that these two people are going to stay together and work towards change.  Even though one has become a believer and the other isn't.  They are sort of incompatible in some ways.  This comes to a question I'm often asked about change and relationships and making a relationship work especially for one who has become a believer a little bit later in life.  There's a feeling that "When I got married I really wasn't seeking God's will so I'm really wondering now if the person I'm married to is really the person who is God's will for my life.  Maybe somehow I missed God's will for my life." 

There's this feeling that I made a wrong turn somewhere in my life and I missed that person who was God's will for my life.  The answer to that question is that the person that you're married to now is God's will for your life.  The Bible says that when we become married we become one flesh and God takes that very, very seriously.  God's will is that we work to change, develop and grow where we are.  The bible gives some exceptions, but in most cases, this is God’s will.

3.  A third reason why we should be unselfish is that selfishness short circuits prayer.  

I Peter 3:7 "Do this so that nothing will stop your prayers."  The way that I act towards others affects my relationship to God.  You can do it your way, using your selfish energy or you can do it God's way, depending upon His boundless energy.  Selfishness at its very core says "I'm depending on myself."  That's what selfishness is all about.  Prayer at its very core is saying, "I'm depending on God."  Obviously selfishness short-circuits the power of prayer in our life.  It's a matter of who we're depending on.  It's one thing to say that unselfishness is a good idea, we teach our kids that.  But it's another thing to be unselfishness.  It's a struggle.  If I'm going to be unselfishness or you're going to be unselfishness there's this tug-of-war that's going on inside.  Like the two little boys—am I going to be Jesus in this situation or are you going to be Jesus?

As you look through this passage and other passages in the Bible about relationships and what makes them work, here are three real simple areas of advice about beginning to develop this thing of unselfishness from a fellow struggler.

II.  HOW CAN I BE UNSELFISH?  1.  Understanding.  2.  Respect.  3.  Sacrifice. 

1Understanding:  Consider other's needs

I Peter 3:7  "In the same way, you husbands should live with your wives in an understanding way..."  The word "understanding" doesn't just mean be kind.  It literally means, "to live together according to knowledge."  To get to know the other person. Unselfishness begins when you and I ask "What do they need?"  This is to be a part of all our relationships, this attitude of considering the other person’s needs.

Phil. 4:5 "Let everyone see that you are unselfish and considerate in all that you do."  "Everyone", "unselfish" and "considerate" -- those are attitudes that are supposed to be a part of every relationship in our lives. 

How?  How do you start to care more about the needs of other people?  In order to do this you have to develop a very important skill.  The skill is called listening.  When you and I begin to learn to listen we develop this skill of caring for other people's needs.

Three bits of advice about developing the skill of listening:

1. You have to be willing to work at it.  Listening doesn't come naturally for anybody.  There's nobody who's naturally a good listener.  We all naturally care more about what we're thinking and what we want to say than what they're saying.  If you're going to be a good listener you have to work at it.  I've found that often the times when it's most important for me to listen are when I least feel like listening. 

2. Let them tell it their way.  If you're going to be a good listener you have to let them tell it their way.  Sometimes the other person wants to tell the story and we are thinking "What's the point?"  But as soon as we hear the point we stop listening to the story.  We need to learn to let them tell it their way.  That's the way that makes most sense to them and that's the way we can hear their feelings and what's important to them and what they need.  Let them tell it their way.  It's important with children too.  If you're a person who always finishes another person's sentences, this is something you need to work on.

3. Make eye contact when you listen.  This says "I am listening to you.  You are important to me."  Make eye contact.

Developing the skill of listening will make you into the kind of person that will begin to care more about the needs of others.  If you can really hear what they're saying then you can hear their needs and you can begin to consider them.

2.  Respect means Honoring Other People's Value

I Peter 3:7, Peter writes to husbands and says, "Show them [your wives] respect because God gives them the same blessing that He gives to you."  In Ephesians 5, a parallel passage, to wives "Show your husbands respect." Respect is a reciprocal thing -- the ability to see and honor the value of somebody else.  If I know somebody's needs I'm not going to begin to meet their needs unless I value that individual as a person. 

Phil. 2:3 "When you do these things don't let selfishness or pride be your guide.  Instead be humble and give more honor to others than to yourselves.”  This does not say not to honor yourself.  It doesn't say to pretend that you aren't valuable or that you don't have needs.  It just says to give more honor to others.  It's not talking about thinking less of yourself but thinking of yourself less and begin to appreciate other people more.  We use the word appreciate when it comes to financial things to mean something that goes up in value.  We need to do that with people, appreciate them, to raise their value in our eyes.  Take time to appreciate people.  Give more honor to them than to yourself.  Recognize that their needs are as important as yours and honor that value.

3.  Sacrifice:  The Willingness to Act on Another's Behalf

There's a huge difference between unselfish words and unselfish actions.  It's easy to talk, to plan unselfish things, but unselfish action involves sacrifice.

I John 3:18 "Let us stop just saying we love people; let us really love them, and show it by our actions."  This is where most of us struggle.  It's easy to say "I want to meet your needs."  It's easy to say "I value you and I love you deeply with all my heart."  That makes us feel good.  Sacrificial talk makes us feel good.  It's sacrificial actions that scare us to death. 

We're sort of like this when it comes to sacrifice.  We say "I love you enough to die for you, just don't make me give up my golf game."  But that's where sacrifice really works -- the little things.  In relationships that work there are hundreds of little sacrifices, a few major ones maybe, but hundreds of little ones daily.

I Cor. 13:5 says "Love does not demand its own way."  It makes sacrifices.  The challenge is not to be ready for the one big sacrifice you may have to be ready to make someday in a relationship.  The challenge is to constantly make the little ones.

For many of you this could be a real turning point in your relationship with somebody you've been struggling with for a long time.  For some of you this is going to be a turning point eternally in your relationship with Jesus Christ, the One who loves you the most. 

But if that's to happen, there is something you're going to have to learn to let go of.  To be unselfish you must let go of your fear.  It's scary to be unselfish.  The fear is "If I'm unselfish, they might take advantage of me.  If I'm unselfish, it's not just that I'm giving myself, I might lose myself."  How do you find the strength to get past that fear of being unselfish, that barrier?

I John 4:18 "We need have no fear of someone who loves us perfectly; His perfect love for us eliminates all dread of what He might do to us."  In order to overcome fear of selfishness and unselfishness in your relationships all you have to do is find somebody who will love you perfectly. 

And you know what?  Someone already does love you perfectly.  His name is Jesus Christ.  I've found that His perfect love for me builds a foundation of strength and security in my life that enables me to begin to love other people unselfishly. 

Let us Pray:  You might pray this prayer in your heart--Jesus, I pray that your attitude of unselfishness would be expressed in my relationship with ____________________.  Thank you for your unselfish love for me! I accept Your love for me and pray that You would help me to learn to live Your way in my relationships. 

I Pet. 1:22 "Now you can have real love for everyone because your souls have been cleansed from selfishness and hatred when you trusted Christ to save you; so see to it that you really do love one another warmly, with all your hearts." 

God has given us a new strength and power to love people in a new way we never could have before.  Let's look to His strength and power.

No comments:

Post a Comment