Tuesday, October 22, 2013

10-20-13 Sermon

There is no audio of the sermon this week. I apologize - I hit the wrong button to record and didn't get it. Here's the transcript for you to read.



TOXIC RELIGION 
Handling Toxic People – Part 1

We’re starting a new series today that I’m calling “Handling Toxic People.”  The book of Proverbs in the Bible says there are three kinds of people.  There are wise people.  There are foolish people.  And there are evil people – bad people, wicked people.  This third group, the Bible says in Psalm 54:8 “Their poison is like the poison of serpents [snakes].  Some people are just flat out poison.  I call them toxic people.

If a guy comes to you and every time he (or she) is with you she pokes you in the eye, the Bible doesn’t say you have to just let them keep poking you in the eye.  There’s things that you can do about that.  When the Bible talks about toxic people it uses words like “avoid,” “stay away from,”  “shun,” “separate,” “keep away from.”  It uses terms that basically say separate. 

The Bible talks about lots of different kinds of toxic people.  One of them is in 2 Timothy 2.  It says this “Stay clear of pious talk that’s only talk.  [This is the religious toxic person.  They talk a good talk.  They talk about God.  They may be regular church attenders.  But they’re not really living it.  It says…] “Stay clear of pious talk that’s only talk.  If words are not backed by a godly life they accumulate as poison in the soul.”  It’s poisonous.  It’s toxic, when people talk the talk of religion but they’re not really committed to God. 

Then he actually names names.  He says “Hymenaeus and Philetus are example of this kind of toxic person.  They’re throwing believers off stride and missing the truth by a mile.” 

So.  we’re going to do a series on “Handling Toxic People.”  But today I want to start off by talking about toxic faith, “Toxic Religion.”  There are a lot of things out there that are done in the name of God that are just bad for you.  They’re poisonous.  They can mess you up. 

Jesus had to deal with these kind of people in the Bible all the time.  In fact there were two toxic religious groups in His day.  Two different parties.  One was called the Sadducees, which were kind of the left-leaning, liberal, we-don’t-believe-in-the-resurrection, we-don’t-believe-in-heaven, we-don’t-believe-in-the-soul.  That’s why they were sad, you see!  They were kind of the theological liberals of the day.

     The other group was called the Pharisees.  They were the right wing leaning, conservative, legalists who saw as their whole job to go around to make rules and regulations for everybody else and they would be the policemen.

Jesus didn’t have a whole lot of use for either group.  In fact if you ever want to know what makes God mad go read Matthew 23.  It’s a list of seven condemnations of toxic religion.  If I were to preach a sermon on that passage I would call it “What Ticks God Off.”  He says I can’t stand this stuff that you guys are doing. 

Jesus used terms for the Pharisees like they’re hypocrites.  He said they’re blind guides.  He said they’re vipers.  He said they’re white washed tombs.  In fact He said they’re poisonous snakes.  When Jesus tells somebody that, you’ve got to figure they’re toxic.  Not only did He warn the Pharisees that they needed to change but He warned everybody else, You need to stay away from them.

Luke 12:1 “Be on your guard against the yeast of the Pharisees.”  What’s He talking about there?  He said just a little bit of yeast can get in and leaven a whole batch of bread.  Just a little bit of Phariseeism, a little bit of toxic religion in your life can ruin the whole batch.  It can mess up your life, your attitude, your friendships, your marriage.  He says you need to be aware of the yeast of the Pharisees.  You need to know that they can mess you up. 

I hate to tell you this but 2000 years later Phariseeism is alive and well.  There are still modern day Pharisees.  In fact there’s a little Pharisee in all of us.  So what I want to do today is three things.  We’re going to look at ten toxic traits.  When you see these, this is the religion you run from, you stay away from it.  Then we’re going to look at how people become toxic.  Then we’re going to look at how to deal with the toxic people in your life, whether it’s a boss, or a relative or somebody you know that every time you get with them they tend to bring pain in your life. 

First, the ten traits of toxic faith.  These are all illustrated in the lives of the Pharisees.

1.  Legalism

I call this list, How to Spot a Pharisee.  Legalism is when people are more concerned about rules than they are about people.  They’re more concerned about observing rituals than helping people’s needs.  Legalism says you’ve got to earn your way to heaven, which you can’t.  Legalism says that God only smiles on you when you’re keeping certain restrictions.  Legalism says it’s not about a relationship.  It’s about rules.  Legalists always have a huge list of rules and regulations and rituals and policies.  They love policies.  They love rules.  If you don’t have one for a particular area they’d be happy to make one for you. 

Really it comes down in life to are you going to live by rules or are you going to live by relationships?  The greater the relationship the fewer rules you need.  The greater the relationship, the greater trust.  When you have trust you don’t have to go out creating policies to keep people from getting out of line.  You just trust people.  Legalism is always about rules, not about relationships. 

How do you spot a legalistic Christian? 

Very easy.  You spot a legalistic Christian because they’re the ones who are always getting offended.  They get offended by everything.  They’ve got all their rules out there and any time you or I or anybody else doesn’t measure up they let us know that we’re not measuring up.  They’re easily disappointed.  They’re easily shocked.  They live in a state of being upset. 

Luke 11 talks about one Pharisee – verse 38.  “The Pharisee was shocked and somewhat offended when he saw that Jesus didn’t wash up for meals.”  That is a big offense!  He didn’t wash his hands.  But they’re much more interested in the legalism of did you keep certain rules. 

Jesus always offended legalists.  Because they couldn’t control Him.  They couldn’t manage Him.  They couldn’t handle Him because He had a totally different perspective on life.  Life is not about rules and regulations and rituals and policies and performance.  It’s about love and it’s about relationships.  He didn’t play by their rules and they didn’t like it. 

2.  The second characteristic toxic trait is hypocrisy.

You see this in toxic faith all the time.  You know what hypocrisy is: you don’t do what you say you believe in.  You’ve got all these rules and you push them on everybody else but you’re not keeping them yourself.

The word “hypocrisy” actually comes from two Greek works that were literally used in the old Greek plays, the tragedies.  When they would have a play, often actors held many different parts.  You have one guy playing many different roles in the play.  He comes out on stage with one mask and says a certain monologue.  Then he goes back and gets another mask and comes out and does another monologue.  He goes back and gets another mask and does another monologue.  That guy was called the play actor.  He’s always pretending. 

Hypocrite means you act different ways with different groups of people.  It’s not, what you see is what you get.  It’s like you act one way at church and you act another way with guys on the golf course.  You act another way with your kids.  You act another way at work.  You act another way in your small group.  Your life is not integrated.  You’ve got your life segmented and you act different ways.  That’s what hypocrites do.

The Bible says in Matthew 23 that the Pharisees, the toxic people, were great at hypocrisy.  He said, “They don’t practice what they preach.”  Did you know that that phrase – “They don’t practice what they preach” – that’s where it came from.  It came from that verse in the Bible. 

3.  A third thing that toxic religious people are good at is guilt trips.

Not guilt trips on themselves, but guilt trips on everybody else.  They love to make other people feel guilty.  It’s the favorite tool of toxic faith.  People who are toxic, toxic people, love to use the word “should”, “must,” “have to,” “ought to.”  They’re very good at shaming.  They’re very good at blaming, condemning, denouncing, and loading on guilt trips.  They’re pros at loading guilt on to other people’s lives.

Matthew 23:4 says “They pile up back breaking burdens and they lay them on other people’s shoulders.  [Not on their own, notice – on other people’s shoulders.]  Yet they themselves will not raise a finger to move them.” 

Have you ever known toxic person who was good at laying on guilt trips?  Have you seen Everybody Loves Raymond?  Raymond’s mother, Marie?  She’s always making people feel guilty.  They’re always saying, If you would just change then things would be great for me. 

Whenever you hear someone blaming their unhappiness on you, you know that person is toxic.  Their happiness has nothing to do with you.  Everybody is as happy as they choose to be.  Don’t blame your husband or your wife or anybody.  Happiness is a choice.  Anytime somebody tries to make their happiness dependent up on how you act, they are both a victimizer and a toxic person.  God says you don’t have to put up with that kind of stuff.  That’s toxic faith.  You are as happy as you choose to be. 

4.  Nitpicking

You know this one!  Nitpicking.  People who love to find fault are toxic.  That’s called a toxic faith.  Just always trying to get at you.  Judgmental, critical of actions.  Nothing good to say about you. Particularly critical of your words.  Toxic people like to take words and twist them. 

In fact the Bible says the Pharisees did this.  You find this sentence multiple times in the gospels:  “The Pharisees went out and made plans to trap Him in His words.”  They’re always looking for ways to catch you.  “You said this!” 

Jesus never put up with this kind of nitpicking.  He said this in Matthew 12.  He says to the Pharisees, these toxic people, “If you had any idea what this scripture meansI prefer a flexible heart to an inflexible ritual,’ you wouldn’t be nitpicking like this.” 

What happens is toxic people tend being black or white thinkers.  It’s either all or nothing.  There’s no gradation in between.  You’re either all bad or you’re all good.  There’s no in between.  There’s certainly no room for grace. 

That’s why Jesus says this in Matthew 23:24 “You strain out a gnat but you swallow a camel.”  Jesus was using Hebrew humor.  This is actually a sarcastic statement.  He was using humor to say, These nitpickers, they’re toxic.  They’re legalistic, they’re hypocrites, they lay on false guilt trips, they’re nitpicking.

5.  They malign motives

Whenever you get somebody talking about your motives, they’re toxic.  The reason they’re toxic is they don’t have the slightest idea what your motives are because you don’t know what your motives are.  Half the time we can’t even figure out why we do what we do.  You are a mixture and a combination of so many complex motivations.  Toxic people like to play junior psychologist.  “Let me tell you why you do what you do…” That’s a toxic person.  They are maligning motives.

This happened with Jesus all the time.  You couldn’t malign what He did.  He was perfect.  So even when He did something perfect they would malign His motivation and say, “He did it for a bad motive.” 

In fact one time Jesus did a bunch of miracles including casting out some demons out of a guy.  It says in Matthew 9:34 “The Pharisees said, ‘It is by the prince of demons that Jesus drives out demons.’”  They’re attributing God’s work to Satan.  They’re saying He’s using occult tricks.  Satan is giving Him the power to do these things.

What are they doing?  They could not put down what He had done.  They couldn’t deny the miracles.  Everybody had seen them.  They weren’t all deluded.  Instead they maligned motives.

That’s going to happen to you.  When people cannot deny your effectiveness they will attribute it to evil motivations.  In other words, toxic people if they cannot deny your actions, or attack your actions, then what they’re going to do is malign your motivation.  They do it all the time.  Jesus said you need to be aware of this. 

6.  Guilt by association.

Toxic people love to do this.   If you show love, if you show kindness you’re just civil to someone who is on their bad list, then you are by association bad.  It could be anybody they don’t agree with.  Somebody from a different political party, someone from a different religion, someone from a sinful lifestyle.  If you associate with them, then you are bad by association.

But, in order to influence somebody you have to get close them.  In order to reach someone you have to relate to them. 

Look at what happened to Jesus.  The religious establishment hated Jesus.  One of the reasons was He related to people they didn’t like.  The Bible says this in Luke 15:2 “The Pharisees complained that Jesus was associating with despicable people, even eating with them.”  People loved Jesus because He reached out to them. 

But some people, toxic people, hated Him for that very thing.  Luke 7:34 they said about Jesus, “A drunken, a glutton, a friend of tax collectors and sinners.”  They insulted Jesus, said things that weren’t even true about Him just because He related to people they didn’t like. 

If that happened to you just because you reach out to someone that someone else doesn’t like that is not a criticism.  Don’t take it that way.  That is one of the highest compliments you’re ever going to get.  Guilt by association – that’s toxic.

7.  Ridicule.

Even Jesus was ridiculed.  He was put down.  He was slandered.  He was made fun of in the crowds, even on the cross.  You can’t avoid it.  So when you’re ridiculed, Proverbs 11:12 says this “He who belittles and despises his neighbor lacks sense.” 

Little people belittle people.  They want to feel better about themselves.  They want to make themselves feel like they’re more important.  So they belittle others.  But great people make other people feel great.  They recognize the greatness of God’s love and grace in their lives they’re able to share with others how great God is and what a great life we can live in Him.  That’s the difference.

Ridicule is one of the signs of toxic faith, toxic people.  Sort of the opposite of that is…

8.  Flattery

That’s a favorite tool of toxic people.  They’ll tell you wonderful things about yourself to get closer to you but you know why they are doing it.  Deep down you know that it’s just because they want to get something from you.  They don’t care about you.  All they care about is getting close enough to you to get what they want out of you.  They want to get their way.  That’s why they’re toxic.

The Bible warns us again and again and again about flattery.  Proverbs 26:28 “Flattery is a form of hatred and it wounds cruelly.”  It may sound good at first but it wounds cruelly.  Flattery when it comes to poison it is a poison that tastes good on the tongue but once you swallow it, it can destroy your life. 

Romans 16:18 “Such people are not serving Christ our Lord.  They’re serving their own personal interest.  By smooth talk and flattery they deceive innocent people.”  That’s what’s so dangerous about flattery.  It deceives innocent people.  People who are trying to do the right thing.  That’s why it’s so toxic.

The Bible says this in Proverbs 29:5 “Those who give false praise to others are setting a trap for them.”   Who’s trying to set a trap for you right now by flattering you?  Watch out.

9.  Intimidation and pressure.

Someone who is always intimidating you, always pressuring you.  That’s a toxic person.  If you’re around someone and every time you’re around them you feel defensive, like, “I have to be defending myself,” that is a sign that that is a toxic person if you feel that way every time you are around them.  Toxic people enjoy making you feel defensive.  It makes them feel better about themselves. 

The Bible says this about Jesus and the Pharisees in Matthew 16:1 “The Pharisees were on Jesus again pressing Him to prove Himself to them.”  If you’re around someone and you feel like every time I’m around this person I have to prove myself to them again and again and again that’s a sign of a toxic person. 

10.  Gossiping

I’ve got to admit I can I go through the first nine and I think maybe none of these are me.  But when I get to gossiping that’s all of us.  You say, “I don’t gossip!”  But you like to listen.  It takes someone to talk and it takes someone to listen to make gossip happen.  We all get involved in gossip and gossip is toxic. 

The Bible says in Proverbs 10:18 “Anyone who spreads gossip is a fool.”  Gossip is toxic to faith.  It’s toxic to churches.  Gossip has destroyed, ripped apart, ruined more churches than all the false teaching ever taught put together.  It is toxic.

Proverbs 20:19 “Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets.  Therefore do not associate with anyone who gossips.” 

WHAT TURNS PEOPLE TOXIC? 

So what turns people toxic?  How does a healthy person become an unhealthy person?  How do you turn a person into a Pharisee?

1.  The number one cause of toxicity is envy. 

Envy and jealousy will rob your soul of joy.  Envy and jealousy is like taking cancer into your heart.  When you see somebody – a friend or a family member, a relative or somebody – and all of a sudden they’re succeeding and you’re not and you get envious, you’re being set up to become toxic.  You just need to be aware of it.  The moment you allow envy into your heart, toxicity has been planted. 

Do you know what put Jesus Christ on the cross?  He was perfect.  Jesus never hurt anybody.  So why did they kill the only perfect person who ever lived?  Envy.  The Bible says, “It was out of envy that they handed Jesus over to Pilate.”  The Pharisees, the toxic religious people, could not stand the popularity of Jesus.  The resented him.  They got fearful of him. 

The Bible tells us in John 4 “When the Pharisees heard that Jesus was gathering more converts than John the Baptist and that He was baptizing more converts than John the Baptist they got irritated by that.”  Jesus never baptized anybody but that’s the word that they heard.  So they got indignant about it.  The Bible tells us this, “When the Pharisees saw the wonderful things that Jesus did and they heard the children shouting, ‘Hosanna!  Hosanna to the Son of David!’  They were indignant.”  They were envious.  They got mad.  They could not handle the success of others.

Can you handle the success of other people?  Can you rejoice with those who rejoice?  Or does it make you envious.  If you get envious you’re going to get toxic. 

2.  The second thing that causes people to go toxic is money.

Money has made more people toxic than almost anything.  I have seen money destroy relationships.  I have seen money destroy marriages.  How many people have won a lottery and then three or four years later their life is a mess?  Because they could not handle what was given to them.

Jesus was a very generous person.  “God so loved the world that He gave.”  The Pharisees could not stand the fact that Jesus had no interest in money.  He said, “A man’s life does not consist in the abundance of things he possesses.”  What did the Pharisees do with that?  Luke 16:14 “When the Pharisees heard this they made fun of Jesus [They ridiculed Him] because they loved money.”

You are to love people and you are to use money.  Money is a tool.  If you love money, money becomes toxic.  Your value has nothing to do with your valuables.  Your net worth has nothing to do with your self-worth.  The greatest things in life aren’t things.  You make a living by what you get.  But you make a life by what you give.  It is only in giving your life away that you learn to truly live. 

Jesus said that the Pharisees were full of greed on the inside.  The Bible says this in Ecclesiastes 7:7 “Even wise people are fools if they let money change their thinking.” 

3.  The number one thing that makes people toxic is bitterness. 

Some people carry hurts of their past for twenty, thirty, forty years.  When you get bitter, when you don’t let the grace of God into your life and you try to handle the problems all by yourself, that makes you toxic.

The Bible says this in Hebrews 12:15 “Be careful that no one misses the grace of God  so that no root of bitterness grows up among you.”  It’s rooted in your heart.  And when it gets rooted in your heart it makes trouble because it can poison a large number of people. 

Have you ever seen bitterness poison a large number of people?  It’s about the most contagious attitude there is.  You’ve all see where some aunt or uncle in your family thirty years ago somebody did somebody wrong and they never got over it.  And they’re bitter about it.  Every time they come to the family reunion they bring the bitterness with them.

Hurt people hurt people.  When people are hurting you, count on it.  They’ve been hurt.  What they’re doing now is they’re taking their hurt and transferring it over to you.  I can’t tell you how many people have gotten mad at me as a pastor not because I was the pastor but because they didn’t like some other authority figure in their life and all of a sudden they just put it all on me. 

The source is rejecting the grace of God.  And it’s contagious.  The Bible says this in the International Children’s Bible “Be careful that no one becomes like a bitter weed, growing up among you.  A person like that can ruin all of you.” 

What are the FIRST STEPS you can take to deal with the toxic people in your life?  What does Jesus do?  You do what Jesus did with the Pharisees, the toxic people of His day.

1.  Realize it’s not about you.

Realize it’s not about you.  When somebody is toxic they’re going to try to blame it on you, they love to blame you for their pain.  But it’s not about you.  It’s about them.  As I said, you’re as happy as you choose to be.  Every time you blame somebody else for your pain you spell blame b-lame.  So every time you blame somebody else for your unhappiness you’re being lame. 

Romans 12:13 “If it is possible [If, not “it is” but if] as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”  Circle two phrases.  Circle “if”.  And circle “as far as it depends on you.”  Those are two amazing qualifiers.  I don’t know if you’ve learned this yet but it’s not always possible to live at peace.  There are some people no matter what you do they’re going to still poke you in the eye.  It doesn’t have anything to do with you.  It has to do with their pain and their hurt. 

I want you to write down three statements.  This is going to be a great stress reliever for many of you.  This is what God wants to say to you about the toxic people in your life. 

     1.  I didn’t create it.

In other words I didn’t create their toxic behavior.  It’s their choice.  “I didn’t create it.”

     2.  I can’t control it.

You can’t control anybody else’s behavior. You didn’t create their behavior and you can’t control their behavior so don’t feel guilty and don’t worry about it. 

     3.  I won’t change their behavior.

You don’t have that ability.  Don’t even try to attempt it.  When you’ve got a crazy maker, when you’ve got a toxic person in your life, it’s a waste of time to try to change them.  Why?  Because nobody changes until they decide to change.  God can change them, you can’t.  Pray for them, but don’t try to change them.

So you didn’t create it, you can’t control it, and you’re not going to change it.  So realize it’s not about you. 

2.  A second step in dealing with toxic people is, If you can, if it’s possible, disconnect and let them go.

I’m not talking about marriage in this message.  But I’m talking about people in your life who are causing you pain that you don’t have to be around.  You made no commitment to them.  You could withdraw.  This is a simple solution.  I’m going to give you a solution from the only perfect person who ever lived, Jesus Christ.  How did He handle toxic people in His life who wanted to hurt Him? 

“The Pharisees went out and they plotted [by the way have you noticed how bitter people like to get together in groups?  They all hang out together and they support each other in their toxicity.] The Pharisees went out and they plotted how they might kill Jesus.  Aware of this Jesus withdrew from that place.”  Duh!  They are plotting to kill Jesus there.  Jesus said I don’t think I’ll go there. 

It’s not rocket science folks!  You just don’t have to show up where the toxic people are.  If you’ve got a toxic person in your life that keeps calling you, change your number.  If you’ve got somebody that keeps emailing you, block that sender.  You’ve got somebody that shows up at Starbuck’s every time you’re there, choose a new Starbuck’s.  It’s real simple.  Jesus said “These are toxic people.  They mean to do Me wrong.  I think I’ll just withdraw from there.”  He’s just doing the right thing.  You pull back.  You disconnect and you let them go.  Let them go! 

So you stop trying to live your life for the approval of other people.  This is what Jesus said about people who get offended unnecessarily, in a toxic way.  Jesus had been out speaking to a crowd and He said some very tough things to the crowd.  Jesus said this “The disciples came to Jesus and they asked, ‘Do You realize that You offended the Pharisees by what You just said?’  Jesus said ‘Ignore them.  They’re blind guides leading the blind.’”  He says some people are just unpleasable.  Some people He said “Ignore them.  Get on with your life.  They’re going to have another thing they are upset about that’s next after that.” 

3.  The third step: refuse to play their game.

One of the Pharisees’ favorite games was to try to trick Jesus with questions.  They used accusatory questions.  They really don’t care about the answer.  They’re just trying to get Jesus riled up.  You need to understand that Jesus never let people manipulate Him with questions like that.  He would not play their game.

Here’s an example: “Then the Pharisees met together to think of a way to trap Jesus into saying something for which they could accuse Him.  But Jesus knew their evil motives.  ‘You hypocrites!’ He said.  ‘Who are you trying to fool with your trick questions?’”    I understand these games that you’re playing.  I’m not going to fall for this trap. 

Whenever they tried to get Jesus in a corner He refused to debate the Pharisees.  He never would debate them.  Usually when they asked Him a question, what He would do is He’d ask them a question back and keep on walking.  He just would not engage with toxic people.  He would not get hooked.  He would not engage with them. 

You don’t have to either.  The Pharisees come to Jesus and say “Lord, why do Your disciples break the traditions of the elders?”  And Jesus said, “Why do you break the commands of God in order to fulfill your traditions?”  Next question?  He did not go into any defense. 

     They came to Jesus one time and said, “Lord, the law says that anybody whose caught in adultery should be stoned to death.  What do You say?”  He could have gotten into a real debate on that one.  He goes “Fine, whoever is without sin gets to cast the first stone.”  Next question!  He just wasn’t going to let them hook Him.  He just would not play their game.  He would never back down.

The Bible says these kind of toxic people love to argue.  “Such a person has an unhealthy desire to quibble over the meaning of words.  This stirs up arguments ending in jealousy, fighting, slander and evil suspicions.  These people always cause trouble.”  Don’t play their games.

Here’s the fourth key in dealing with the toxic people in your life…

4.  Set boundaries.

No one can pressure you without your permission.  Nobody can pressure you without your permission!  Nobody’s holding a gun to your head.  You can listen to their expectations or you cannot listen to them.  The Bible says that you need to learn to set boundaries. 

Don’t let anybody enslave you to their expectations.  How many times in life have you done something you didn’t want to do, when you didn’t have the time to do it, there wasn’t a good reason to do it, it wasn’t really what you’re gifted to do.  But you did it because somebody had an expectation.  You need to learn to say no to unrealistic expectations.  You need to set boundaries in your life and don’t let people enslave you to their expectations.

Galatians 5:1 “Freedom is what we have.  Christ has set us free. Stand then as free people and do not allow yourselves to become slaves again.”  Don’t let any peer pressure put you back into bondage.  Christ set you free.  You don’t have to live with the expectations of others.

The last of these first steps of dealing with toxic people is…

5.  Live for an audience of one.

Jesus said, “I’m not worried about what other people think.  I only do that which pleases My Father which is in heaven.”  If you live for an audience of one and say “I’m only going to worry about what God wants me to do,” then it will always be the right thing.  Instead of always trying to please fifteen or twenty other people 1 Thessalonians 2 it says “We’re not trying to please men but God who tests our hearts.”  When you do that you will find great relief from trying to please everybody else. 

Here’s your choice.  Do you want to live your life with toxic religion?  Or do you want to live your life in a healthy relationship with God?  It’s your choice.

Prayer:

           “Dear God, I don’t want a toxic religion.  But I want a relationship with You.  I want to know Your truth and Your love and Your forgiveness and Your peace.  Thank You for dying for me.  Help me to understand it more.  I want to learn to love You.  I want to learn to trust You.  Set me free from toxic religion and give me the strength to deal with the toxic people in my life.  I pray this in Your name.  Amen.” 

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