8-25 Sermon "Making the Hard Changes in Me"

Recording of the sermon begins at the ** (missed the first few moments). Click here to listen.

MAKING THE HARD CHANGES IN ME

The Invisible War – Part 4

08-25-13 Sermon

This week I learned two new terms.  One of them was called “unavoidable defects.”  And the other was called the “zero defect mentality.” 

Unavoidable defects is a term that the FDA uses to refer to the amount of contamination they allow in your food.  Since some of us are having a difficult time with dieting, I thought I would provide a loving service and inform you of some of the contamination in your favorite junk food.  Then maybe you wouldn’t want to eat it as much anymore.

For instance… You like pizza?  The FDA allows thirty fly eggs per one hundred grams of pizza sauce.           You like chocolate?  In one hundred grams the government allows sixty insect parts.  You like potato chips?  The government allows up to six percent of the chips in a bag to be rotten. That’s what’s called unavoidable defects.

At the same time I read another term that I hadn’t heard of – zero defect mentality.  “The fastest way to kill motivation is what the US Army calls having a zero defect mentality.”  Zero defect mentality is an atmosphere that tolerates absolutely no mistakes.  Perfection is required down to the smallest detail.  ** And the army considers a zero defect mentality a serious leadership failure because it kills the initiative necessary for success on any battlefield.

If you apply this to your life, you try to live a zero defect life, you will always be paralyzed by indecision.  You will run from responsibility because you’re afraid of making mistakes.  You’ll have a difficult time making decisions.  You’ll have a difficult time accepting responsibility.  You will live with unrealistic pressure and unresolved guilt because everybody has defects.  Nobody’s perfect.  Nothing is perfect on this planet – except the Word of God.  It’s all broken.  Every relationship is broken.  Everybody is broken.  The weather is broken.  The economy is broken.  If you try to live with this zero defect mentality you’re going to be frustrated your entire life.

The Bible tells us this.  The Bible says “There’s not a single person in all the earth who is always good and never sins.”  There are no no-defect people; not a man upon the earth that does good and sins not.  James 3:2 says this in the Message paraphrase “None of us is perfectly qualified.  We get it wrong nearly every time we open our mouths. [Anybody want to agree with that part?]  If you could find someone whose speech was perfectly true you’d have a perfect person in perfect control of life.” 

The truth is we’re all defective.  We all have parts of our lives, parts of our personality, parts of our relationships that simply don’t work.  We’re all defective.  The Bible says it like this in Romans 3:23 “All have sinned [that means you, me, the Pope, everybody else – all have sinned.  Nobody’s perfect.] all have fallen short.”  None of us measure up to a standard of perfection.  None of us bat a thousand.  So to pretend like you’ve got it all together when everybody knows you don’t have it all together is kind of silly.  In fact, the Bible tells us it’s actually self-deception.  We have an amazing ability to lie to ourselves.

In 1 John 1:8 it says this “If we claim to be sinless [if we claim to be without sin] we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.”  

What I want to say as we begin this weekend is you will never be sinless on this planet.  But it is possible to sin less.  You’re never going to be sinless.  But it is possible to sin less and it is possible to deal with your defects.  That’s what we’re going to look at this morning.

I want us to just look at a couple of things.  Why is it so hard to change stuff in me that I really don’t like about myself?  Why is that so hard?  And then what does it take to change?

We’re going to look at the classic passage in the Bible on this; Ephesians 4, which gives us the six requirements for personal change.  What it takes to change those deeply engrained defects in your life that you don’t like, that you don’t want to carry on with you the rest of your life, that you really would like to change them.  What does it take to change those things? 

First: Why is it so hard to change the stuff in me that I don’t like? 

There are Four reasons why it’s hard to change some of the defects in our lives.  I’m talking about the hard stuff that just seems to be stubborn and resistant. 

1.  Because I’ve had them so long.

I’ve had my defects so long I’m actually pretty comfortable with them.  You didn’t get the way you are overnight.  It took a long time for you to get as messed up as you are!  It didn’t happen overnight.  It took years.  Some of the patterns that you have – your fears, your anxieties, your faults and the way you act in self-defeating ways – you developed them in childhood, maybe in resistance to a pain or as a stress coping devise.  But the truth is you’ve had these defects in your life for a long time and they may be self-defeating, but at least they’re familiar!  And you’re comfortable with them and you know what it is. 

2.  The second reason that I have a hard time dealing with my defects is because I identify with them. 

I’ve not only had them for a lifetime but I identify with them.  This is a real big problem because we often confuse our identity with our defects.  You are not your defects.  You are not your faults.  You are not your sins.  They may be something you do but they’re not your identity. 

In other words, a lot of people, rather than saying “I work too much,” will say “I’m a workaholic!”  Or instead of saying “I have a tendency to put off and procrastinate,” will say “I’m lazy.”  You create it as an identity.  You may say, I’m timid or I’m shy or I tend to say just what I want to or I’m aggressive or I’m passive or I’m fearful and you start identifying with your defects.  This is so important because when you see yourself connected to your defect you set yourself up to perpetuate it.  It’s a self- fulfilling prophecy.  You’re going to act according to your identity. 

3.  It’s hard to change because my defects have a payoff. 

There is a reward to everything you do.  People don’t do things that aren’t rewarded.  Whatever is rewarded gets repeated.  If you’re doing something that you know isn’t good for you or it’s self-destructive or it’s ruining a relationship or messing up your marriage or destroying your finances or whatever, it’s because there is some kind of payoff.  Maybe you don’t see it, but we don’t do things that aren’t rewarded. 

4.  There’s a fourth reason why it’s difficult to change these hard-engrained defects in our lives.  That is because Satan discourages me.

Once you start to work on something in your life that you want to change, Satan starts saying, “Who do you think you are?  You’re never going to change.  You haven’t been able to change in the past.  Do you think you’re going to be able to change now?  It’s hopeless.  It’s not going to work.”

When it starts working he says, “It’s not going to work very long.  And you may as well give up.”  Then sometimes Satan starts putting fears in your mind when you start trying to change some things or letting God change you.  He starts saying, “If you rock the boat something really bad may happen.  If you rock the boat in this relationship they may walk out on you.  If you rock the boat in this relationship they may not love you anymore.  If you rock the boat nobody’s going to like you.” 

These things keep us from wanting to change; or keep us from changing the engrained things that we know aren’t good for us, which are unhealthy. 

So what does it take to change those deep patterns in my life that I really don’t like about me?  It takes six things.  There are six requirements.  We are going to look at them today from Ephesians 4.  Ephesians 4:21-27 says this, “Since you have heard all about Jesus and you have learned the truth that is in him, throw off your old evil nature and your former way of life, which is rotten through and through, full of lust and deception.  [In other words, we deceive ourselves.] Instead, there must be a spiritual renewal of your thoughts and your attitudes.  You must put on the new nature [put off the old, put on the new] because you are a new person, created in God's likeness — righteous and holy and true.  So put away all falsehood [That means stop faking it.  Stop posing.  Stop pretending you’ve got it all together] and tell your neighbor the truth because we belong to each other.  Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a mighty foothold to the Devil.” 

In this passage it talks about the six requirements for personal change. 

1.  Change requires learning the truth. 

That’s the first requirement.  Change requires learning the truth.  You know this famous quote of Jesus.  Jesus said, “When you know the truth, the truth will set you free.”  And you’re not going to be free until you know the truth.  Paul says this very same thing in verse 21.  He says “Since you have heard all about Jesus and have learned the truth [circle that – the truth] that is in him…” 

The proof of personal change is found in the truth.  You’ve got to know and face the truth.  You’ve got to know and face the truth about yourself, about your relationships, about your past before you can change.  You’ve got to know and face the truth about God before you can change.  You’ve got to know and face the truth about your habits, your hurts, your hang-ups.  You’ve got to know and face the truth about your potential and your talents.  You’ve got to know and face the truth about others – brothers, sisters, parents, everybody – all those kinds of things.  You’ve got to know and face the truth about God’s purpose for your life. 

Nothing changes until you start at the bedrock of truth.  If you don’t know the truth about these things, you are building on a phony, fake, false foundation.  And it’s going to crumble when you hit the rogue winds of life. 

Why is it so important to learn the truth for anything I want to change in life?  I’ll tell you why. 

Because behind every self-defeating behavior in my life is a lie I’m believing. Every time you get yourself in a problem it’s because you have believed a lie.  Like, I have to do this in order to get ahead.  I have to do this in order to be liked.  I have to do this in order to be happy.  Oh really? 

I have to know and face the truth first of all if I’m going to change.  Jesus said the truth will set you free.  But first it makes you miserable.  It makes you miserable as long as you deny it.  The moment that you are honest with the truth about you and everything else in life then it starts setting you free. 

Who is the truth?  Jesus said, “I am the truth.”  Not I have it.  Not I point the way.  Not I teach it.  He said, I’m it.  I am the truth.  So you can trust his Word.  And his Word is the Bible. 

The Bible is good for four things.  The Bible tells us what it was given for.  Why God gave it to us.  2 Timothy 3 “All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful [It tells us four things.  Number one…] to teach us what is true [You’ve got to build it on truth.  Number two…] and to make us realize what’s wrong in our lives. [Number three…] It straightens us out [And number four…] and teaches us to do what is right.  It is God’s way of preparing us in every way, fully equipped for every good thing God wants us to do. ”

The Bible in that passage says that it was given to us for four things.  It’s like a path.  It shows us the path to walk on.  It shows us when we get off the path.  It shows us how to get back on the path.  And it shows us how to stay on the path.  So change requires learning the truth.

The next verse tells us the second requirement for personal change. 

2.  Change requires making choices. 

It’s not enough just to want to change.  It’s not enough to just desire to change.  It’s not even enough to say, I’ve got a dream of changing.  I’ve got a dream of being something else.  Dreams are worthless unless you wake up and actually act on them.  So more than desire, more than dreaming, it takes a decision.  You’re not going to change until you choose to change. 

A lot of times we think we’re waiting on God to change us.  No.  You’re not waiting on God.  God’s waiting on you.  And it’ll happen when you get intentional. 

Some of you may be stuck right now because you haven’t learned how to let go.  That’s a choice.  That’s the second thing that God says you’ve got to do.  Verse 22 “Throw off [that means get rid of, let go] your old evil nature and your former way of life, [all those bad habits and bad patterns and defects] which is rotten through and through, full of lust and deception.  [all of that stuff you’ve been telling yourself it’s ok; but it’s not ok because it’s really messing up your life.] He says throw off that old nature. 

Part of your defects are biological, some of them are sociological and some of them are theological.  Some of them are nature.  Some of them are nurture.  Some of them come from circumstances.  Some of them come from choices.  And some of them come from your chromosomes.  It doesn’t really matter where they come from.  You need to deal with it. 

I want you to write this down: Genetics explains my inclinations but they don’t excuse my sins.  Just because I have a natural inclination towards something doesn’t mean I should do it and doesn’t mean it’s necessarily good.  I can have all kinds of self-destructive inclinations.  In fact we all have those in our lives.  Just because I have a tendency or a desire or an attraction or an affinity or a predisposition does not mean that I should act on it. Genetics explains my inclination; it does not excuse my acting out or my sins.

Here’s the good news.  We talked about it last week.  Once you become a believer you have a new power in you that is greater than those old tendencies.  That power is the Holy Spirit. 

In changing the defects in your life God has a part and you have a part.  It’s not all God and it’s not all you.  It’s kind of like growing up physically.  Growing up physically there’s some things that you can do that would help you grow like eat right, sleep right, exercise.  But there are some things that are totally out of your control.  No matter how much you eat, sleep and exercise you don’t get to choose how tall you’re going to be.  God chose that.  You didn’t choose your bone structure.  So part of your physical growth was God’s responsibility.  And part of your physical growth was your responsibility.

The same is true with your spiritual growth.  God has a part and you have a part in your spiritual growth.

Notice this next verse.  This explains it.  Philippians 2 “Continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.”  

Circle the phrases “work out” and “work in.”  This is the balance.  There’s a working out and there’s a working in when you want to make changes in your life. The working out is your part and the working in is God’s part.  We are to work out what God is working in in our lives.

I want to explain this verse in detail because I don’t want you to misunderstand it.  “Continue to work out your salvation.”  Notice it doesn’t say, Continue to work for your salvation.  It says work out, not for.  Nowhere in the Bible are you told you work for your salvation.  You cannot earn your way to heaven.  You cannot buy your way into heaven.  You cannot deserve your way into heaven.  It is a gift.  And the Bible says in Ephesians 2:8-9 “For by grace [God’s gift] we are saved through faith; and even that is not of ourselves.  It is the gift of God, not of works, so nobody can brag about it.”  In other words you cannot work your way to heaven.  But once you have received that gift that you did not earn, then you are to work out your salvation.  Not work for, but work out. 

When you work out your salvation, you’re not getting your salvation.  You are developing, you’re cultivating, you’re understanding the salvation God gave you.    It means that you develop what God has already given you.

It says while you’re doing the work out, God is working in you.  You know that phrase “working in” you know what it is in Greek?  It’s the word we get the word “energy” from.  You see the advertisement of the Energizer Bunny? That’s what this word comes from.  It says God gives you the energy, he works in, he’s putting energy into your life to change the things you could never change.

Notice what he says.  “It is God who works in you [he’s giving you the energy] to will and to act.”  Circle “to will and to act.”  God gives you two kinds of energy.  The desire and the power.  To will and to act.  The answer to changing your life is not willpower.  It’s God giving you the will and the power. 

3.  That leads us to the third change.  Verse 23 tells us that change requires new thinking. 

Change in your life requires new thinking.  You aren’t what you think you are.  But what you think, you are.  The Bible says “As a man thinketh, so is he.”  The Bible says “Out of the heart are the issues of life.”  We’ve talked about this many times.  The way you think determines the way you feel; and the way you feel determines the way you act.  If you want to change the way you act, you’ve got to change the way you feel.  But if you want to change the way you feel, you’ve got to change the way you think.  You can’t focus on the feeling, or fight the feeling, or force the feeling.  But you can change the way you feel by changing the way you think, because every feeling is determined by a thought.

This is what the Bible says in verse 23 “There must be a spiritual renewal of your thoughts and attitudes.”  You’re not going to change until your thoughts change, until your attitudes change. You know what a change of mind is called in Scripture?  You know what the theological term is?  It is the word “repentance.”  To repent literally means to change your mind.

A lot of people think “repent” is a bad word.  Like a guy who’s got on a sandwich board that says, “Repent!  Turn or burn!  You’re going to die and fry while we all go to the sky.”  No.  That’s not repentance.

The word repent is actually a Greek word – metanoia.  Metanoia means to change your mind.  That’s what it means.  To change your mind.  It means a mental U-turn.  It means when I repented I changed my mind.  I changed my mind about me.  I changed the way I saw God.  He’s not mad at me, he’s mad about me.  I changed the way I saw life.  I changed the way I think about money.  I changed the way I think about heaven and hell.  I changed the way I think about sex.  I changed the way I think about the problems I face in life.  I changed the way I think about other people.  I changed the way I think about everything in life – my parents, my past, my present, my future.  That is what it means to repent.  A mental U-turn.

How many of you have a GPS in your car?  A bunch of you do.  Some of you, you’ve got one that speaks aloud.  Ours does.  If I’m out there and I’m making a wrong turn it will often tell me, “Make a U-turn as quickly as possible.”  The wisdom shows up in my life on how quickly I make a U-turn. 

When God says to repent he says I want you to make a U-turn as quickly as possible.  You’re headed down the wrong track.  You’ve got to change the way you’re thinking.  You’ve got to fill your mind with the truth, not the lies.

So you’ve got to change the way you think.  Philippians 2:5 says this: “Let the same mind and attitude be in you which was in Christ Jesus.” 

God wants you to learn to think like Jesus.  How do you do that?  Again, it’s a choice.  You’ve got to make a choice and say “Lord, how would Jesus think about this?”  The more you fill your mind with the Word of God the easier that’s going to be.

4.  The fourth change that is required is, change requires the Holy Spirit.

You need more power than just willpower in your life.  You need God’s power in your life.  Again, we talked about this in detail last week.  You might get that message on Romans 8.  Verse 24 says this “You must put on your new nature [and you can’t do that with willpower] because you are a new person created in God’s likeness – righteous, holy, and true.” 

What he’s talking about here is what the Bible calls the fruit of the Spirit.  These are the qualities that God puts in your life when the Holy Spirit lives through you.  The Bible says there are nine of those qualities.  They are love and joy and peace and gentleness and patience and kindness and goodness and meekness and self-control and faithfulness.  There are nine of these qualities.

How does God produce the fruit in your life?  Not by willpower.  You don’t go out and say, “I’m going to be a more patient person!”  That doesn’t work.  “I’m going to be a more joyful person!”  It doesn’t work.  “I’m going to be a more loving person.”  Willpower does not work. 

Fruit is an inside job.  The Holy Spirit has to grow it on the inside.  Fruit can only come from the inside.  It’s got to be his Spirit living through you.

How does the Holy Spirit work in your life?  The answer is gradually.  A little bit at a time.  “As the Spirit of the Lord works within us, we become more and more like him.”  Circle “more and more”.  That means it’s a gradual process.  It’s step by step.  It’s not instant; it’s incremental. 

When God wants to make a mushroom he takes six hours.  When God wants to make an oak tree he takes sixty years.  The question is do you want your life to be a mushroom or an oak tree?  As your pastor who loves you, I can help you grow to be the person you want to be.  But I cannot show you how to do it overnight.  There is no such thing as instant maturity.  It takes time.  It is a small, step by step, gradual, incremental, more and more process. 

You didn’t collect your hurts, habits, and hang-ups overnight.  It took you a long time to get as messed up as you are.  It just didn’t happen overnight.  The Holy Spirit works within us to become gradually more and more like him.  You’ve got to develop new habits to change.  That’s what your character is, the sum total of your habits.  We call these habits the spiritual disciplines.  They’re the building blocks of defeating the defects in your life.

5.  This is a big one.  Change requires honest community.

In other words, you’re going to have to have some people in your life who tell you the truth and you listen to it.  You’re not going to get well on your own.  You’re going to need other people in your life.  You’re going to need support.  You’re going to need a small group.  Change requires honest community. 

There are some things in your life you’re never ever going to be able to change on your own.  Typically the things that are the most difficult in your life you don’t want anybody else to know about.  They’re the things you want to hide in the closet.  They’re the things you don’t want to tell.  They’re the things you’re the most embarrassed about.  They’re the most deep seated problems and fears in your life. 

And you know what?  You’re never getting over them until you share them with one other person.  You don’t have to tell everybody.  You don’t have to tell the whole world.  You just need to find one person who is going to love you unconditionally.  They’re not going to judge you.  They’re going to support you.  They’re going to pray for you and you’re going to pray for them.  But revealing your feeling is the beginning of healing.  You’ve got to have one person to be gut level honest with.  You don’t have to have a lot of people.  But you need to have at least one.  Some things are so big in your life you have to team tackle them to take them down.  You’ve got to have two linemen tackling that guy because one guy isn’t enough.  You’re going to need support.

Verse 25 “Put away all falsehood [that means all the faking, all the phoniness, all the pretending like you have it all together; put away all falsehood…] and tell your neighbor the truth [about you] because we belong to each other.” 

Circle “belong.”  If you’re a believer you’re also a belonger.  You belong in the family of God and every other believer belongs to you.  They’re your brother, they’re your sister.  We belong to each other.  You cannot become until you belong.  You can’t become what God wants you to be until you belong in a group that’s going to have gut-level honest community.  Put away falsehood.  Talk to your neighbor.  Tell your friend the truth because we belong to each other.

Here’s what the Bible says “You’ll never succeed in life if you try to hide your sins.  Confess them and give them up.  Then God will show mercy.”  I’m afraid to tell God my sins.  Like he doesn’t know?  He’s just waiting to show mercy.  Confess, then you will succeed.

Galatians 6:2 “By helping each other with your troubles, you truly obey the law of Christ.” 

That leads us to the last thing that has to happen

6.  Change requires overcoming temptation.

Ephesians 4:26-27 says this “Don’t let the sun go down while you’re still angry, for anger gives a mighty foothold to the devil.”  Circle the phrase “mighty foothold.” 

What does that mean?  Did you know that you can be a believer, you can be a follower of Christ and you can give the devil a foothold in your life?  What is a foothold in your life?  It’s when Satan gets a beachhead in your life.

In World War II when the Marines would go into the islands of the South Pacific, goal number one was simply to establish a beachhead.  All they wanted to do was land on the island and establish a beachhead a hundred yards deep and a couple hundred yards wide.  Once they had that, once we were on an island – the Marines, the rest of the battle was taken over by the army and they would slowly take over the entire island.  But you’ve got to establish a beachhead first. 

And the Bible says don’t let Satan do that in your life.  What creates a beachhead or stronghold in my life?  I can be a Christian and Satan can have a stronghold in my life.  What is it? 

Here it says it’s anger.  But I can tell you in many other passages what creates a stronghold in your life is any negative emotion you hold on to.  A negative emotion will give Satan a stronghold in your life.  It can be anger, so he says don’t hold on to anger.  You hold on to anger overnight, you’re allowing Satan to get a stronghold in your life.  You deal with that conflict before you go to bed.  If you have to stay up all night, you stay up all night.  Do not give a foothold to Satan in your life by holding on to a negative emotion.

But it doesn’t have to be anger.  It could be worry.  It could be fear.  When you hold on to a secret fear, that creates a foothold in your life.  When you hold on to resentment, when you hold on to bitterness or a grudge, that creates a stronghold in your life.  When you hold on to loneliness, when you hold on to guilt, when you hold on to shame, when you hold on to regret, when you hold on to anxiety, any negative emotion allows Satan to get a stronghold in your life.  In this series on temptation I’m going to talk to you about how do you defeat that.

Let me close with this question: How serious are you about really changing?  Are you willing to do what the Bible requires us to do for lasting change?

Prayer:

      Would you pray this in your heart.  Just say, Dear God, I want to learn the truth.  I don’t want to build my life on lies but I want to learn the truth.  I want to know the path to walk on.  I want to know when I’m off the path, how to get back on it and stay on it.  I want to begin spending time in your Word every day so I can learn the foundation of truth.  Lord, you’ve said that change requires making choices.  There are some things that I’ve got to let go of.  Help me to have the courage to let go of those things.  I want to ask you to help me to work out what you’re working in my life.  Give me the will and the power that I don’t have that’s greater than willpower.  I want to begin thinking in a new way.  I want to fill my mind daily so there’s a spiritual renewal of your thoughts and attitudes.  I want to have the same mind and attitude as Jesus.  I know I can’t do this on my own.  Holy Spirit, I want you to help me put on this new nature, be a new person.  As you work within me I want to become more and more like Jesus Christ.  More solid, more stable, more strong, more successful the way you intend me to be.  Help me to have the courage to be a part of an honest community.  And Lord, use this series to teach me the skills of overcoming temptation and how to not let a negative emotion become a foothold for the devil in my life.  In your name I pray.  Amen.